Monthly Archives: October 2011

{29} Happy Birthday!

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Me and My Mama at my Birthday Lunch


Wow I can’t believe that I am one year closer to 30. I guess when you have all ready been through a life time of shit it means everything is down hill from here. I may only be 29, however I have lived a life that dreams are made of. Sorrow reminds me that I am human. Each night I ask God to keep my son Alucious close and to make sure Nylan turns out all right. I’ve been a wife, a mother, a best friend, a sister, a paralegal, an advocate, a lobbyist, and now I get to be an auntie to Sophia.

Survivor is a label I wear proudly. I tirelessly advocate for heart health, stroke symptom awareness, and healthy kids. There is one thing I’ve learned : I would trade all of my money in a heart beat if it meant I could have my health back. Money can buy me things that will make me happy. However it cannot buy my health. Wealth is no fun when you do not have health on your side. So take it from me. Take care of yourself. You only have one body, one heart, and in the end money will mean nothing. But your health will mean everything.

I’ve struggled with the fact that my health will never be the same and that this is the body I have to grow old with. My body has brought me to some pretty darn amazing places over the past year. It has brought me to DC, the gulf coast, NYC, and countless other locations. It has allowed me to share my story and save lives. Life is the ultimate gift and I am so very glad God has granted me with one more year upon this earth.

It is my hope that the next year is filled with goodness and big amazing things. If I dare to dream then I can dare live a big meaningful life. People try to knock me down, rip my reputation apart, and spread the words of incapable across the firm. That alone gives me strength to prove that I am 1. a bigger person, 2. a professional, and 3. I will out shine the {redacted}. I have something he will never have and that is class. One can’t lie their way into class. They can only fumble when their lies start to unravel and unravel they will. I may not be there to see it. Yet I will smile silently at his blunder and step over him on my way to the top. The only place I am going is up.

Up. Thats where I am headed. I’ve got two jobs that I love. One requires more effort than the other. A speaking schedule that can’t be beat, a book deal on the table, and well my lawyer tells me we are winning. I’d say that’s some pretty darn awesome sauce. Not to mention this here blog isn’t doing to shabby either. People like to read about my antics, dating blunders, cry with me, and say fuck it. I swear online as I swear in real life. I am nothing but myself and I am human. Humans swear and they like it too!

Fuck it. I am in a relationship with myself. I have no time for dating. I want to but I have no life outside of work. It’s bad my friends have to remind me that we have dinner dates and nights of ninja antics. My goal for year 29 is to work a little less and have what you regular folks call a social life. A social life sounds interesting and wow taking trips for fun sounds like a gosh darn good plan. Who knows maybe there is a man out there who is brave enough to step into my world and take me on. I’m not holding my breath. Thats why I have the muppet to keep me company.

So Ninjas a toast! Goodbye 28 and Hello 29. May year 29 be filled with good friends, endless opportunity, laughter, adventure, and mostly love. Thank you so much for being a part of my life. Each and every one of you means the world to me. Know that I care about you and love you more than you will ever know. Ninjas for ever. May we go down kung fu fighting!

{Hearts} On 22 ~ 2 Year Pulmiversary

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~Only 1 out of 3 people SURVIVE a Pulmonary Embolism~

I thank my lucky stars that I was that 1 who got to walk away and live my life for the other 2 who died

Pulmonary Embolism: Signs and Symptoms:
Blood Clots can break off from a DVT and travel to the lung, causing a pulmonary embolism (PE), which can be fatal

■Sudden shortness of breath
■Chest pain-sharp, stabbing; may get worse with deep breath
■Rapid heart rate
■Unexplained cough, sometimes with bloody mucus
Call an ambulance or 911 immediately for treatment in the ER

350,000—600,000 people in the United States develop blood clots every year. About 100,000 people in the U.S. die each year from blood clots.

Reference: The Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Prevent Deep Vein Thrombosis and Pulmonary Embolism, US Dept of Health and Human Services, 2008.


Life is funny. We are born and then we grow old. So old that we no longer recognize the child on the scrap-book page. Life is truly a gift and a dream worth fighting for.

On October 22nd 2009 my life changed forever. One can say that this was the day my Heart Healthy Lifestyle began. Its true one moment in my life change my path forever. It made me realize just how fragile life is. An it taught me that blood clots and strokes occur in young people. Folks still can’t believe their ears when I say ” I am a Pulmonary embolism / Stroke survivor.” They do a double take and then the look of pity comes.

Pitty is something I never asked for nor is it something I want. My life is a gift. I am lucky. Luck has nothing to do with it. Then again if you ask my parents they would tell you “She is working on her third life.” Its true I am. Three separate times death knocked at my door and each time I walked away. I walked away humbled knowing that only God truly knows when my day will be done. But until that moment comes, it is my job to live a life filled with meaning and faith.

Faith is what got me through recovery. It is what allowed me to inject myself with blood thinners, swallow more pills than I could hold in my hand, and got me through therapy. Mostly faith is something I hold on to. Because if I didn’t have faith then heaven wouldn’t exist and my son would be floating around in an abyss. Part of me wonders if I didn’t have faith, would I still be standing here?

Standing up for myself and letting the Drug Company know that one day they will pay for what they did. Anger is something I feel when the God Damn “Ring” commercial comes on TV. I yell back “Bull shit, fucking convenient my ass. Tell that to me now. Tell me how easy it is?” Of course my TV never answers back, yet sitting in an office in Inver Grove are over 1 million pages of expert witness testimony. Those pages are riddled with answers and one day they will speak for me.

The only thing I can do now is speak up. Over the past two years I have criss crossed the country sharing my story. Educating women about the risks of blood clots, stroke, and heart attack associated with hormonal contraceptives. I tell them don’t be a statistic like me, listen to what your body is telling you. Don’t let doctors blow you off. If you have the symptoms for a clot ask them to check your blood. I learned of my clot when it was too late and I am paying the price every day.

Trust me if I could go back and do it again I would leave the ring where I found it. I can’t go back. I can only go forward. Aspirin, Viagra (Yes Viagra. It is a heart medication for women), and anti-inflamitories have become my BFFs. They keep my heart and lung healthy. Mostly they provide me with peace of mind and remind me that I have a life worth fighting for.

My Birthday is on Thursday and the best present you could give me is to live a heart healthy life style. Go to your doctor for a heart check up. You only get one heart and once your heart goes you are done. Learn they symptoms of a blood clot, stroke and heart attack. Heck even learn a little CPR in honor of me. Heart Health is the best present you could ever give to me. Because in 2009 I almost died 5 days before my 27th birthday. I got the best gift that year and that was life. I want you to get life for your birthday as well.

{Mr Right} Are You Out There…….?

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It seems that every thing is coming together. I have a career that I love, a dog that makes me giggle, and amazing friends. However when the clock turns 5 I rush out to meet with a client, to beat a deadline, and mostly I head home alone.

There is no voice to great me when I walk through the door and no one to ask me about my day. Just the muppet like dog stands before me. Eagerly awaiting me to grab his leash and lay a treat before him. I love my dog, however there are days when I long to hear a human voice instead of the gruffs of a muppet. Days where I remember what it was like to have a child to come home to and a husband that some what cared to see me walk through the door. Those are the days I miss.

I miss the nights laying awaking just talking about our day and giggling about the silliness of life. Sleeping in and snuggling close during football games on Sundays. Having someone bring me flowers and knowing full well that roses are not my thing. That knew me to my core and understood where I had come from. Some might say my ex husband never really knew me. Then again that question still remains unanswered.

One thing I do know is……I know what I want this time. I am only getting divorced once in this life. Then again my marriage didn’t fail me, my ex husband did. He is the one who failed me and broke my dream. He tried to fix it but it was too late and soon both of us joined the sea of divorce. No one goes into marriage thinking it will end. No one ever does.

This time around I am taking my time. Sure there have been a few men over the past year or so. The architect, the IRS Man, and a certain attorney are all just a memory now. Each one taught me how to love, believe and have faith in another person again. That is something I forgot how to do. Lately I have been taking forever to make decisions. Often opportunities and really great apartments have slipped through my fingers. Love is something that doesn’t slip, it is something that grows on you.

Growing is something I need to do. More like I need to blossom, throw myself out there and believe in the search. Part of me is a little jaded and more protective of my life. After all I built it from nothing. Maybe I am afraid that someone is going to stomp on it again and take the joy away from me. That is something I will fight like hell for this time. I am not giving up my crazy life for anything. I plan on fitting someone into my crazy life and make something grow. Grow it into a beautiful life. A life where two people come together and reveling in the craziness.

Call me crazy but this time around. I want someone who knows that Frank Lloyd Wright did not build the house on the rock. One who knows that Falling Water should not be confused with an actual water fall. A man who is not afraid to explore third world countries. Takes his shoes off and dance in low tide looking for star fish. Someone who understands what it means to make a difference and never turns his back on someone who needs their help. Laughter is a must and so are tears. Because we cannot stand in the sun until we have danced in the rain. The rain is what makes us who we are.

Faith is something I have. I have faith that singledom is not where I belong. It is only a stage until I figure out where I am going. For now it is where I reside until that moment Mr Right walks in and says “Hi, how are you?” That moment is a moment I patiently long for.

{Ojibway} The Seventh Generation

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I am a lover of cardigans and wear specs in a contact lens kind of world. On the outside I look white. However I am anything but. I am the daughter of an Irish Ojibway Indian and a German. Greatful to be raised in the traditions of the past and strong enough to make a difference. A difference in the lives of reservation kids. Working hard to abolish mascots and raising awareness of Native American culture and history. This is my path and it is one I walk proudly on.

Walking this road can be hard some days. It is not easy, the stigmas of the past still present in the modern world. Living with the knowledge that my Grandfather was taken from his mother. Why, because someone believed “Kill the Indian, save the child.” He was robbed of his language, his hair cut, and his buck skins traded in for rough cotton clothes. He was told “you are no longer Red Squirrel. You are now Clifford Raymond.” My Grandfather was forced to believe in a bible that he didn’t understand. His way of life was no longer.

My grandfather was lost in the western way of life. He like most Indian’s turned to the bottle. Inside he found comfort and the pain it started to fade with each sip. He managed to marry an Irish woman, fathered 13 children, and tried to run a farm. Farming wasn’t his thing he had more kids than he could care for. Yet, he did the best he could. Thats what any lost Indian does. When they aren’t knee-deep in the bottle they do the best they can to survive.

Indian people are resilient. They can make nothing into something and still believe in a better day. I am part of the seventh generation. Our ancestors predicted that the seventh generation would unite the people and bring change to the land. We are doing that. Change is rising each day. Each day a child on the reservation chooses education over a life of addiction. With each diploma, with each child who comes back and makes a difference. Who leads their reservation into the modern world. I am a part of that change motivating our youth to seek college and to change the world around them. Teaching ACT prep to the students via Skype and in person. Often meeting in the school or casino banquet halls. These kids are our future and words cannot describe how bright it is. Offering kind words and parenting skills to parents during visitation monitoring sessions. Lending an ear to a battered woman and whispering it will be all right into a child’s ear.

They may be broken, worn out, and down on their luck. However these are my people and I will be damned if I turn my back on them. I am who I am because of my ancestors who died in the name of justice. My great uncles started the first Indian run news paper in the 1920’s called the Tomahawk. To this day it is the oldest Native American run paper in the country. My other great-uncle was the first Indian to be appointed to the bench. Serving as a federal judge. He is my inspiration and the reason why I love the law. My great great Grandmother is chief Skywoman the only female war chief of the Ojibway nation. Her blood runs through me and her legacy is the reason I am here. She believed in a better day where her people would be free.

That better day has come and the time is now. I am living proof that times change. I am proud to be a biracial woman and proud of my Ojibway heritage. The Ojibway people ground me, their stories entertain me, and mostly they remind me to fight for what I believe in. To never give up and to walk the red road. A road lined with tears and broken whiskey bottles, one that only Indians can tread upon. That is the road I chose. My Grandfather suffered and endured so that I could achieve the American dream. I owe it to my Grandfather to stand tall and help those around me reach that dream.

Steve Jobs ~ Square Pegs In Round Holes

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I am a firm believer that every human has the ability to change the world. Steve Jobs is proof of that. He had a dream, a vision, and dared to veer from his charted course. In the end he created brilliance and put technology into our hands.

Steve Jobs dared to look beyond the ordinary and taught us to accept the extraordinary. He said the following “live with the knowledge that you are dying. Do this and you will never forget to dream.”

Those are words to live by. Never forget to dream, challenge the status quo, and change the world.