It seems that every thing is coming together. I have a career that I love, a dog that makes me giggle, and amazing friends. However when the clock turns 5 I rush out to meet with a client, to beat a deadline, and mostly I head home alone.
There is no voice to great me when I walk through the door and no one to ask me about my day. Just the muppet like dog stands before me. Eagerly awaiting me to grab his leash and lay a treat before him. I love my dog, however there are days when I long to hear a human voice instead of the gruffs of a muppet. Days where I remember what it was like to have a child to come home to and a husband that some what cared to see me walk through the door. Those are the days I miss.
I miss the nights laying awaking just talking about our day and giggling about the silliness of life. Sleeping in and snuggling close during football games on Sundays. Having someone bring me flowers and knowing full well that roses are not my thing. That knew me to my core and understood where I had come from. Some might say my ex husband never really knew me. Then again that question still remains unanswered.
One thing I do know is……I know what I want this time. I am only getting divorced once in this life. Then again my marriage didn’t fail me, my ex husband did. He is the one who failed me and broke my dream. He tried to fix it but it was too late and soon both of us joined the sea of divorce. No one goes into marriage thinking it will end. No one ever does.
This time around I am taking my time. Sure there have been a few men over the past year or so. The architect, the IRS Man, and a certain attorney are all just a memory now. Each one taught me how to love, believe and have faith in another person again. That is something I forgot how to do. Lately I have been taking forever to make decisions. Often opportunities and really great apartments have slipped through my fingers. Love is something that doesn’t slip, it is something that grows on you.
Growing is something I need to do. More like I need to blossom, throw myself out there and believe in the search. Part of me is a little jaded and more protective of my life. After all I built it from nothing. Maybe I am afraid that someone is going to stomp on it again and take the joy away from me. That is something I will fight like hell for this time. I am not giving up my crazy life for anything. I plan on fitting someone into my crazy life and make something grow. Grow it into a beautiful life. A life where two people come together and reveling in the craziness.
Call me crazy but this time around. I want someone who knows that Frank Lloyd Wright did not build the house on the rock. One who knows that Falling Water should not be confused with an actual water fall. A man who is not afraid to explore third world countries. Takes his shoes off and dance in low tide looking for star fish. Someone who understands what it means to make a difference and never turns his back on someone who needs their help. Laughter is a must and so are tears. Because we cannot stand in the sun until we have danced in the rain. The rain is what makes us who we are.
Faith is something I have. I have faith that singledom is not where I belong. It is only a stage until I figure out where I am going. For now it is where I reside until that moment Mr Right walks in and says “Hi, how are you?” That moment is a moment I patiently long for.