Hurt: Hard Liquor and Connect Four

Charlie tells me hard liquor fixes everything. That is if it is drank while playing a board game. Its funny his brother said the exact same thing about liquor and marshmallows. Liquor and marshmallows fixed my sorority girl problems when followed by a dose of manly advice.

Advice that seemed to flow into one ear and out the other. Sometimes I’d listen to Connor and other times I’d nod my head as he rambled on. Often his voice was drowned out by the crashing waves that hit the shores of park point. I’d give anything to be back on that beach. I know it’s a lost cause, so I guess hard liquor and board games will do.

A good friend knows that your fretting just by the look in your eyes. As Charlie opened the door he took one look and said “Oh babe I’ll grab the wine, you wanna play connect four?” I haven’t played connect four in years. Charlie was way to excited for this he popped the cork and ripped the box open. I watched quietly as he eagerly put the game together and popped the checkers out from their plastic mold. He looked at me padded the floor, “Here babes it’s all set. Now whats your problem today?” I just laughed.

Laughter provides me with comfort. If I can laugh no one needs to know that on the inside I am falling apart. No one needs to know that I hurt someone and have no idea how to repair the harm I’ve caused.

In truth I’m not even really sure what I did. If I knew I would fix it. One thing I’ve learned in life is that men are complicated. Oh God are they complicated creatures. Manuals, men need to come with manuals. That would be awesome, we could just look up strange look and bingo we’d know exactly what we did wrong. I think a man manual is a few years off, after all we did just get a little thing called the iPad.

Since I don’t have a man manual I guess Charlie’s insight will have to do. I slipped my first checker into the slot. Charlie told me “Amjay your black, yea cause your mood if funky today kiddo.” Some days I want to kick Charlie. But today is not his lucky day. After all he is putting up with me and my big girl problems.

Problems that seem so simple yet so hard to solve. One can’t hash out old feelings if the other side isn’t willing to talk. I am tired of this game we play. I throw a text out there. You don’t respond. I see you in the skyway, I duck and turn my back. I even hold my breath as I get into the elevator in this very building praying it doesn’t stop on your floor.

Then one day I realized something. We are adults. So as fate would have it I ran into you late one night. I was going to keep on walking but, hello flew out of my mouth faster than I could walk away. I was stuck. We exchanged pleasantries and that was that. Again I chucked another text message into the wind. Nothing. Nothing comes back. Are paths crossed again. Being the bigger person I said hi, you coldly said hello and darted away. I figured you were busy.

This game needs to stop. I am tired of it. I am sorry, I truly am sorry for whatever I said, did or text to you. It was never my intention to hurt you. I met you at the wrong time. I met you when my life as I knew it was slipping through my fingers. It was changing faster than I can spell Mississippi. Its funny one year ago today I was sitting next to you carrying on a conversation. Your ADHD brain switching topics faster than I could think. Yet, I kept up with you as you chatted about your job, your new bike, daughter, and whale wars.

To be honest I didn’t know where it would go and how it would end. It didn’t really end, it just kind of fizzled. An life got busy for me and you.

I explained this all to Charlie. He looked at me, ha Amjay connect four I win! take a shot!. I downed the shot. Charlie always laughs as I wiggle after taking a shot of whiskey. He tells me ” You’d make a sad man, men don’t wiggle after downing a shot of whiskey!”

An babes “Men don’t walk away from unfinished business. Fate will give you the chance to explain. You just need to be patient and let things flow. If he never mans up, its his loss and well he’ll just have to be angry forever. There’s nothing you can do to change how he feels. He doesn’t know you, he is missing out on the real AmandaJean that we all know and love. Hell what man doesn’t like a woman who swears like a truck driver. You need to put your manly pants on and think like a man hun.”

Oh boy. Manly pants. I don’t think I have manly pants. Ha! Charlie look at that connect four! I win. “See babes you’ve got your manly pants on!” Hard liquor doesn’t fix everything, but playing a game takes your mind off the world. Charlie maybe on to something here.

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