Over the past few weeks I have been the rock in which the sea of kindness crashes upon. Its waves have wrapped themselves around me and I have never been more greatful. Because of you I will conquer this crazy disease or what ever the Doctors are calling it now. Your tweets, texts, phone calls, Facebook wall posts and emails have not fallen on deaf ears. I read each and every one of them. They make me smile and remind me that I am not alone in this world. Today I got an email from a coworker and it simply read “We are rooting for you in Denver!” That right there made my day.
Someone asked me today “Do you ever get mad? You know do you ever stomp and scream at the top of your lungs?” The answer is simply: No. Stomping and screaming will not change the box I am standing in. This was in the cards and it is the hand I have to play until my last card is on the table. Fate is simply just fate. I did not do anything to deserve this. It was just laid before me. Some of us have it easy and others fight like hell until their last breath leaves their soul.
My soul is filled with hope. Hope for a better day. A day where I can wake up without pain, throw the prescriptions to the side, and dance my cares away. For now hope and faith are holding me together. I fight back tears when I look at the healthy 29 / 30 somethings around me. There are moments where I wonder “Why the fuck me!” Then I take a breath and I think “Fuck the self pithy train. AJ duck tape your big girl pants on and strap your self in. Because we are going to beat this fucking thing.” An then I brush my teeth and get ready for work. Because Today has to be better than yesterday.