When I came home a big envelope was waiting for me. My eyes drew quickly to the seal, it was from my lawyer. I knew what this envelope held. It held my freedom, it was legal now, I was no longer your wife. I admit I cried a little as I ran my fingers crossed the decree, 2 years of pain was finally over. It meant I was no longer tied to your name, I am my own person now. I walk into my maiden name with grace. I am still the Same AmandaJean, but no longer bear your name. I feel releaved, yet weighted at the same time.
I am remembered of the lyrics from a Rascal Flatts song,
I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home
Would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees but I”m not alone
There comes a time in everyones life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
That’s what I think of. I am going to tuck these papers away, just like I’ve put you in the past. You are a place I don’t need to revisit. Sure you revel in the fact that I am still single, unlike you, I have allowed myself to heal, I’ve allowed myself to be. I’m sure you’ve wiped me out of your life, like the dirt from the floor. But still a song, a show, Nylan, or someone you know will bring your thoughts back to me and you’ll realize you let the best thing walk out of your life. I walked away from a no win situation.
I can say I am happy again, that I am the old AmandaJean, the confident, witty, sassy, girl that you fell in love with. Yet, this time around I am not gonna let my heart fall quickly, I will not be swept up in rapture over night. I will take it slow and follow the course. The calla lily butterfly ring is safely tucked away at the bank and some day it will see the light of day. It is still my dream ring, you just weren’t the right man to give it to me. We were two peices that didn’t fit together.
I am now living a life with meaning, its no longer wrapped around a family (thou I miss the family part). A friend told me that I got a free card, a do over, a get out of jail, because now I get what few people do, a fresh start in the middle of life. So that is what i am doing, I am moving on, moving on with out you and so far it feels good. I threw away your pictures, kept very few things that you gave me, made my girlfriends happy and gave the some of the jewlery. I didn’t need it thats for sure. So this is my fresh start of making new friends, going on dates, nights of endless conversation of cocktails, tripping over cracks in the side walk, plotting 2 am snow ball fights, and not missing you one bit.