It’s funny how a scent, a song, or a simple word can send memories crashing through. Tomorrow will be April. A month filled with showers, sun, and warm days. Yet this month is weighted with memories.

If I were still married April 3rd would be a night of dinner, wine, celebrated love and laughter. That was the day I met my x husband, it would be 6 years on Sunday. Six years ago he walked across the campus parking lot and into my life. Part of me wishes I could say it was all terribly bad, but it wasn’t. We had our moments and our days in the sun. He probably won’t give April 3rd much thought this Sunday, or maybe he will. For me, it will just be another day on the Calender, yet it will always hold a place in time.

April 9th will be a day I will always remember, that is the day I found out I was pregnant. At first i thought it was a joke and then the words pregnant appeared over and over again on the seven tests I took. It was real all right. That night the x was beaming and couldn’t contain his excitement for our pending joy. Scott would talk to my stomach and kiss it Good Night, Good Morning, and Good Afternoon. That night we went out to celebrate at one of our usual spots and when the waitress asked if I wanted my usual glass of wine. He piped up ” No wine for her, she’s pregnant!” The waitress gushed and congratulated us both. Our families were filled with hope and exploding with joy for their new grandchild. Never during that time did I think God would burst our bubble filled with joy. Not even once did I dare to think it could all fade away. Yet it did, it did in deed.

As a child my mom told me that rain, just wasn’t rain. That it was magical, that the rain was actually tears from heaven. That some angels were having a bad day or they were sad because God Brought someone home. That if I embraced it, danced in it, and jumped in the puddles I could feel the angles love. April, bring on your rain……I am ready to dance in it, laugh in it, stomp, frolic, and embrace the tears of heaven.