Each day I wake up the sun beams a little brighter. My heart is starting to heal, its been two months since I lost Charlie. Two long months. I haven’t been myself, casting fake smiles and half-hearted hellos in the direction of friends. I have been living in memory land, a land where Charlie is still alive. Hurt has taught me to hold on to the past, my heart says “Let go.” Let go of what was and what will never be. Free yourself and set your heart on fire.
I loved Charlie more than life its self and I know deep down that he would want me to find my way. That he would not want me to hold onto a broken dream. I can hear his voice say “AJ put your big girl pants on and walk my friend, walk right into the sun. You are stronger than you realize and you my love deserve the world.” Charlie uttered those words to me on nights I doubted myself or days in which I thought the world was ending. He’d just rub my curly hair and say “You worry more than you hope. Try a little hope babe. It will do you good.”
Faith in God is allowing me to heal and knowing that I have an angel cheering me on keeps me humble. I can feel Charlie with me plain as day, I know that he is urging me to find my way. Letting go is easier said than done. But with each breath and each step I take I am moving on. The pain is starting to fade and I am starting to believe again. Each day is a chance for me to build a new life, a new memory, and a chance to fill my heart will love.