Ladies, from my heart to yours I can tell you that no amount of money is ever going to make us whole, it will not undo the harm, and it will not turn back time. I never went into this lawsuit for the money, I I wanted to make a difference and I did. I wanted to stand up for myself and to make sure that no other woman had to endure my fate. 

 I had a massive pulmonary embolism with infarction and because of that I can no longer have children. I used the nuva ring because it was suppose to reset my cycle and I would hopefully then get pregnant. I wanted a baby more than anything in this world, instead I got handed a blood clot. 

We thought the  nuva ring took away my fertility, on April 1st 2010 I found out I was pregnant. Not just a few weeks but  a whole lot a pregnant. Somehow in the chaos of INR checks, scans, and injections a child was made. It wasn’t ideal, yet the timing was perfect. My son was the silver lining to a shitty ordeal. 

God he had other plans, I celebrated Mother’s Day with a swollen belly only to find out that Lucia’s light was no more. On May 12, 2010 Alucious Gregory Beaulieu Cohen was born sleeping. My daddy planted a birch tree in Lucia’s honor, at its base is a plaque that reads “Where there is love, there is life.” 

Tucked into the pages of my Bible is a card from United Hospital, on it are my son’s tiny little foot and hand prints, Lucia is always with me, no foot is to small to make an impact on this world. You see it doesn’t matter how many dollars are placed in my hand it will not bring my son back nor will it change the fact that I will never look my own flesh and blood in the face. 

So please find it in your hearts to be at peace with this, Merck technically under the law doesn’t have to give us a dime, hell they don’t even have to admit wrong doing and they can continue on as business as usual. Be happy that you are getting a few pennies, because a few is better than nothing. 

Be greatful that you are six feet above ground, be thankful that you greet the sun each morning, and never forget those women who would die to take your place. 

  This is my 6th borrowed year on earth and I am greatful that in those six years  I became a mama, got a divorce, found myself, adopted a rescue pup, held my niece, found  the perfect job, fell in love, and in July I will welcome my nephew Jack into this world. I made a life out of a beautiful disaster. 

My story could be different, On October 22, 2009 I had my massive PE with infarction when I was 26 years old, I was 5 days shy of my 27th birthday, and if I didn’t get to the ER when I did my Parents would have been picking out my urn instead of my 27th Halloween themed birthday cake. I got the best gift that year, I got life! I got to live! 

 And I refuse to be angry at Merck, there is no place for anger in a survivors heart. I am living in the moment and taking in every sweet sweet drop of borrowed time. Memories are what I am making and I am living without looking back. Life is a Beautiful disaster and I will ride it until the last grain of sand falls.