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Child Loss, Family, life lessons, love, survival, Uncategorized

{Lucia} A Lifetime of Wonder 


Dearest Lucia,

Today Friday May 13th marks your 6th Angel Birthday. It’s hard for mommy to believe that I have spent 6 years without you. There isn’t a day that goes by where mommy doesn’t think of you. Long ago I stopped asking God “why Lucia? Why did God need you more than I did and what did I do to deserve this?”I realized Lucia that God knew that I was stronger than I realized. For it takes a strong woman to be the mother of an Angel. God knew I was up for the task, so he picked you love to join his heavenly skies. 

In the quiet moments I wonder what you would look like. If you would have mommy’s curly hair and blue eyes or the Jewish features of your father. Would you be a fearless little chatter box or a silent observer. I wonder if you would share my love of dinosaurs and gazing at the star filled skies. Maybe you’d be like your father, spending your moments playing video games and counting down the days till football starts. Who you were meant to be will always be a mystery to me. 

Your death remains a mystery. With all of the science in this world doctors were not able to put a why behind your leaving. One moment you were inside my protective womb in the next you were gracing God’s arms. Mama wasn’t ready to lose a child at 27, yet somehow I put one foot in front of the other and learned to live this life without you. It hasn’t been easy, there are good days and then there are not so good days. But for you Lucia Mommy continues on, I want you to be proud of the life I’ve made. Lucia you are in every step I take, every decision I make, and every beat of my heart, you are with me always. 

I have faith that mommy will see you again. Until that day comes a piece of me will always be in heaven. 

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About NinjaInTheCity

AmandaJean is a thriving pulmonary embolism & stroke survivor, passionate Paralegal, Advocate, and Blogger who believes she can change the world one person at a time. She is obsessed with the Law, beauty subscription boxes, collecting costume jewelry, visiting flea markets, Ruby Red Squirt and Candy Corn. World Traveler. Serial Volunteer. Lover of Frank Lloyd Wright, Heart Healthy Living, and good wine. Mama to a Muppet like dog. Aunt to @HalfPintNinja

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