Category Archives: adventure

Punching Snowmen

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Like most ladies I have had many a dating blunders and days where I just plain gave up. It seems that when we give up fate finds its way in and allows us to look a little further and a little deeper at the fish in the sea.

Recently I punched a snowman. (not really) In doing so it led to a string of emails that ranged from dogs making dinner, to uptown hipster pigeons who mumble about oppression, and to my favorite subject ninjas. The emails eventually led to a date, a great first date to be exact, that led to an even better second date. I know crazy right two dates in 3 days or as he would say 48hrs. I am glad that I punched that snowman, because if I hadn’t the IRS Auditor would never of walked into my life.

At this moment I am going to consider myself lucky and take down all of my personal ads. I am throwing caution to the wind, moving my thimble on the board and I am going to follow it through to where ever it may lead.

So maybe ladies the key to finding a datable man is to punch a few snowmen. After all it has been a long cold, bitter winter, so go on and punch one.

Divorced Life Dating

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I decided that after my divorce I wasn’t going to jump into a relationship right away. That I wanted to feel the pain and be alone, so that I could truly heal, and not be influenced by another man.

This fall I dusted off my dating shoes and did what any single woman does, I joined one of those internet dating sites. Sure I got phone numbers from friends, blind dates came and went, yet I wanted to start this journey on my own. I havent been single since I was 19, that’s almost 10 years worth of relationships.

My oh my have the dating rules changed in the past almost 10 years. What ever happened to a first kiss on a first date, I didn’t know that I would be expected to streak into Home plate on a first date. I had a guy who asked me out on a date, it went great and he’d asked me to a second date. I said sure why not, then I got an email laying out his expectations for the night. In which he spelled out I want sex at the end of the night, don’t come if you aren’t going to put out. I felt offended and thought how rude. Not to mention the guy was only 5’6″ so I chalked it up to little man complex, but to the men of the interwebs have some class, some style, and for god sakes not every woman on the planet is going to drop her panties for you.

Besides Mr. I want you to drop your panties right now, there has also been phobia boy. Right there at the Urban Bean he laid down his phobias, water, heights, and automatic cars? I can deal with the water and heights, but come on now automatic cars? He said he didn’t like automatic cars because well he couldn’t control them. Needless to say I gulped my coffee down, burnt my tongue in the process, and bolted out of there like a whore leaving church. I didn’t call him back, I don’t do phobias.

So between phobia boy, Mr Drop your panties now, and well then there is Ring sting. So this man assured me no I am not married, would never do such a thing. Well then if you aren’t married why are you wearing your wedding ring. The look on his face was priceless and then he said ” My wife will never find out.” Oh she will I said, my x thought that too! An when she does find out there will be hell to pay. That date lasted 10 minutes.

So I am starting to wonder what the heck happened to men in the past almost 10 years? Did you all get dropped on your head, did some sort of rule get established regarding home base must be achieved on a first date. Oye, I say men, men have turned into quite the animals.

I guess I will throw some salt over my shoulder, a penny in a well, and wish on a star that not all men are home base achieving pigs. It true the nice guys always finish last, no one, not even me, likes a full of himself winner.

To My Future Husband

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My Mama loves to tell people this story: When Mannie was about 6 years old she was laying on the kitchen floor reading the comics while I was doing the dishes. She looked up at me and over at her dad and said ” Mom, Dad I pity my future husband.” Um why is that doll. “Well because I am going to be a Bitch when i grow up, not a mean one, a good one.” We didn’t know whether to punish her for swearing or laugh. We laughed and well she is right, she is the good kind, she never backs down from anything and stands up for her self. Or as she says, I let my inner Ninja fly Mom.

To my future Husband:

Please understand that I am not your cookie cutter woman. Please know that I have done more living in 28 years than most people do in 100 years. I am fiercely independent and do not take no for an answer. I am stubborn and set in my ways, I know what I want and how to get it.

Some say I am damaged, that I am a little jaded and jagged around the edges. If we truly live our lives on the fly all of us become a little rough around the edges. Only those who don’t dare, try, or dream sail through with our scuffs. I like my scuffs they make me who I am and I am proud of them. Each one tells a story and those stories make me the woman I am today. They are a part of me and remind me of how far I have come.

Know that God saw something in me, that allowed him to save me. I am often reminded that only 1 out of 6 walks away from a PE. That I am living on my second chance and making each day worth it. I have faith that God has something amazing in store for me. Realize this and you will become a part of my mission. The mission: Is to spread Major Kung Fu around the world and to make it a little better for everyone.

I am caring, loyal, and deeply passionate. I will do anything for anyone. I would lay my life down with out a second thought, give the shirt of my back, and the meal on my plate to someone in need without question. We get back what we put into this world. So I choose to inject the world with kindness, love and passion. That way it will come back to me ten fold, or at least I hope it will.

Know that I have been a mom, to a little boy Named Nylan, I will always be tied to this child. Even thou I am divorced and no longer have legal ties to him, he is and will always be my son. I puffy heart step parents, because they step up to the plate and become the parents no one asked them to be. They just do, I just did. Also Know that I have a child in heaven, that experience alone has made me stronger than I have ever thought possible. He is with me in spirit every day and brings me peace knowing that he is resting with God.

I am a young divorcee and no I did not fail my x husband. He recently told me that I was one heck of a wife. He thanked me for being the mom I didn’t have to be to his son and for taking care of his dogs. He realizes that he failed me and that he crushed my dream of a happy marriage. I still hold on to that dream, the dream of a successful marriage. Divorce has taught me that I don’t have to take mr right now and to wait for Mr. Right. So that is what I am doing waiting for Mr. Right. (you can drop him down anytime god)

The above are the major things you need to know. The minor things are as follows:

Budget: I have no idea what this word means, I have a nasty spending habit, I can afford it so why not. We only live once and hey money doesn’t buy happiness.

Travel: I keep my passport in my purse (I know that’s a stupid place for it) however just having it with me gives me the knowledge that I can ditch this country at my whim. I’ve traveled the globe and conquered its sites, leaving me with wonder and joy.

Hybrid Cars: I love love my Prius, I will never drive a normal car again. Going green is a conscious decision not a life style for me. Just know that I have no idea how to check my oil, antifreeze, and all of that jazz under the hood. Yes, we are so having AAA!

Sleeping: I don’t sleep with my head on my pillow. 9 out of 10 times it’s on the floor or your side of the bed. An I don’t like to be covered, so no pulling the covers up to my ears. I will hit you if you do this and then apologize for hitting you.

Chocolate: Don’t waste your money on it. I am severely allergic to it and can not eat it. I know, I know all women love chocolate. If you bring it to me, I’ll shove it right back at you or either that puke on your shoes. Its your choice keep me chocolate free or wear puke on your shoes. (For me its a no brainer)

Dogs: The muppet and I are a package deal. No ifs ands or buts. We go together no matter what, so you must like dogs.

Follow this outline and you will do all right with me. An be ready for the craziest ride of your life. No day goes without adventure in my world and I like it that way. So where ever you are future husband know that one caring, passionate witty Ninja is waiting for you.

2010

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2010 is a year that I will always remember, a year filled with change, hope, love, sadness, and loss.

We were still in recovery mode and thanked our lucky stars that the blood clot had dissolved. This was my new normal, life as a pulmonary embolism survivor. One filled with constant chest pain, short breath, and lack of stamina. Yet, with all the pain, I was able to see the grace in my situation.

Winter was filled with happiness. Nylan turned 6, I was so proud to see him grow and learn with each coming day. He went tubbing for the first time, you could see the fear in his eyes as he looked out at the horizon and down the hill, yet he courageously stepped into the tube and was greeted with laughter at the bottom. I realized that my chubby cheeked boy was turning in to a pint size man. He would test his boundaries and no longer needed my help. He was and is becoming independent.

In the spring we learned that our little family of three humans and three dogs was growing. Scott and I were so excited when we found out that we were expecting a little one of our own. We nick named out babies little bear and set in planning the nursery, buying supplies, and picking out names. If it was a boy it would be named Alucious Gregory and if it were a girl her name would be EmmiLeigh Grace (Yup she would have a double name just like her mama).

Sadly as quickly as life was created God took our little bear away. We were devastated when we lost our child. For the longest time I thought it was my fault, that I had done something, or that I wasn’t good enough to be a mom in God’s eyes. Yet, with each new day came a sense of peace. Tests concluded that my baby was a boy, a beautiful boy named Alucious Gregory. I am a proud mama to a baby in heaven. I am grateful for this experience, because without it I would have never had the strength to take the next step.

The winds of change were brewing. The once loving couple had finally drifted apart. Nothing could bring them back together, so a judgment call was made, and I walked away from my marriage and my step son. I never thought I’d be one of those women who got a divorce, who gave up on their families, and throw in the towel. I felt a shamed at first, like I failed, and that now I was damaged. Yet, I realize it takes two to make a marriage work, and well my heart left my marriage a long time ago and my brain just now caught up.
The summer brought my independence, confidence, and new found friendships. It also marked the end of Lily and Lola. The friendship ended in turbulent rapture, yet it needed to end. It taught me to choose my friends wisely and that not everyone is who they project themselves to be. I hope she got some help and that things are going well for her.

I bravely walked away from my job in September, not knowing what tomorrow would bring, all I had was faith to carry my through. The one year anniversary of my pulmonary embolism passed and my birthday came. Dates were plentiful, yet, none were worth keeping or sustaining serious relations. Friends carried me through the down times and cheered me on during the highs. I started a new job in the banking world, got another infection in my lung (stupid lung), and met a new amazing friend. Trips were plentiful and the muppet like dog provided me with hours of laughter. Man I love that little beast, he truly is the best dog ever!

2010 was the worst yet most amazing year of my life. I will always remember 2010 as the year I took myself back.

Bucket List

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The other day I was having dinner with friends and over drinks we started talking about our lives. Things we had done, places we’ve seen, and regrets yet to be taken. Jack turned to me and said “what do you have left to cross of your list?” I stared blankly into my wine, looked up and said “I’m not sure?” Me the girl, who has seen the world, lived a life of loss and love, who has so much to realize, did not have a bucket list at the ready. I was taken back by this question, of all the things people ask of me, I did not have an answer. An, I usually have an answer for everything.

So with much thought and soul-searching, I now have an answer of sorts. A list of dreams and challenges that I want to see accomplished. These things are in no particular order, but are numbered for the sake of the list.

1. To personally say “thank you” to every person who has made an impact on my life and made me the woman I am today. For without you this journey would be a lonely destination. My life wouldn’t be worth living without you.

2. To stand on all 7 continents. I have 3 down and 4 to go. I grew up in North America, Called Europe my home for four months in 2004, and marveled at the wonders of Africa’s Egypt.

3. To start a family: I have been a mom to another woman’s child. Sadly in divorce as a step parent you have no legal tie to that child, and you have to walk away. I guess part of me just wants to be a mom, just to prove that I can carry a child to term, that my miscarriage was just a fluke, and that God believes in me enough to bless me with providing life to another human being.

4. To attend Law School: When I was a little girl, I didn’t play school. Instead I played court room, I was the judge, my babies were the lawyers and my bears served as the jury. The quest for justice has been instilled in me from a young age and it is a burning desire that I constantly need to feed. I want to become the most compassionate attorney on the planet.

5. Marriage, yes even me a young divorcee wants to give marriage another go around. There is something about having a partner, a sidekick, someone who understands you like no other person on this planet. I want to be in love again and share my life with a husband.

6. To publish a book. My story is a crazy one. Of a life lived, blood clots, child loss, and divorce. I have over come every obstacle God has sat before me. If my story could encourage others to seek good in the world, then well it would be worth the paper it is written on.

7. To bring the dangers of birth control to the fore front. I learned the hard way what birth control can do. I am lucky I survived and thankful for every day I wake up.

8. To own a Frank Lloyd Wright home. Even if it were just for a minute.

9. To open a bakery. Baking to me equals love. When I bake I use my grandma Dorothy’s recipes and when I bake I feel her love. That love lives through the sinful deserts that are created in my kitchen.

10. To take a cross-country road trip with friends.

11. I want to take my parents to Europe one day. After all they paid for me to study abroad twice.

12. I want to teach one day. Teach the law to other passionate people like myself.

I am skipping number 13, I believe in its unluckiness.

14. I have always wanted a miniature goat as a pet. I think there cute, so Yes I want to have a goat.

15. I have a dream of starting my own charity one day. A charity that will benefit the at risk families of the country. To lift them up and out.

16. Run for public office. I have dreams of being president one day. I remember telling my kindergarten teacher that I wanted to president when I grew up. my 5-year-old self, still holds on to that dream.

17. White water rafting in the grand canyon or any wild crazy river for that matter

18. have a snow ball fight in Antarctica.

19. I have a mad desire to visit the rain forest.

20. I want to bask in the sun on the beaches of Bali.

21. To spread Major Kung Fu around the globe.

22. Mostly I want to leave this world a little better than I found it.

That folks is my bucket list. A list of adventure, dreams, and human desire. This list will guide me during the next chapter of my life and when I feel like I want to give up. It will remind me that I have something to accomplish and live for.

Another year closes. Another candle added to the cake.

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It’s funny I was so excited for my 27th birthday. I had waited 27 long years to have a golden birthday. I had planned the perfect party and was overwhelmed with what I thought was the perfect life. That’s right the perfect life that came crashing down on October 22, 2009. I almost died 5 day before my birthday. So #27 came in with a crash landing and left with a quiet decent.

#28 came in quietly closing out a year that included a life time of living in one years time. As I blew out my candles I said a silent prayer and thanked god for giving me 28 years worth of stories, pain, laughter, memories, and sorrows. I realize I’ve done more living in 28 years than most people do in a life time. I am grateful and mystified by my life, sometimes it’s hard to believe it’s mine. It may be crazy, its my story and I am the writer guiding the pen across the blank page.

Funny thing is I wasn’t suppose to make it to 28, I shouldn’t be alive, but by the Lords grace I am. This October marked the 25th anniversary of my life saving surgery and the discovery of my kidney disease. My parents did the unthinkable and turned to god as they sent me in to have the experimental surgery, and lucky for me that experiment worked. When I blow out my candles I thank doctor Donald Love and John Delahaunty because if it weren’t for those two men my light would have been dimed at 3. Many of us go our lives with out seeing angles, I can say mine are on this earth and because of their wit and might I am a live. So I am no stranger to deaths door, God had tried to take me off my stage more than once. Twice I survived the unsurvivable, I’ve knocked on deaths door, and I walked away.

I think God knows I’m not done yet I have a lot to do, a world to change, and justice to stand for. This past year has been like a turbulent river each rapid trying to change my course. It threw me to the shore a time or two, deflated my raft, but like a falcon rising from the ashes I conquered it’s current and rose above the shores. To claim my win, to show the world I am still standing and I will not be silenced by fear.

Year 27 was about loss, strength, love, friendship, and starting over. The following defined year #27, with out these moments people and stories it would have been a boring year.

Divorce: was a word often shouted, used as a threat by my now x husband. When ever we’d get into a fight his famous line was “well maybe we should divorce.” we saw our second wedding anniversary however that June I decided to leave the sinking ship and walk away from a loveless marriage. An walk away I did, the x was in shock, he acted like he was dying I’d seen it before. As always he cared more about money than me and well ladies I’ve left his ass penny less and I could give a fuck about it.

Babies: I experienced the miracle of life, the joys of knowing you are carrying a tiny human, and glowed with pride. Only to have my little bear returned to gods arms. I am forever changed by this experience, even thou it was filled with pain, that brief moment in time Scott and I were so in love. A love that was short lived, nursery planning stopped, the traveler bob stored, and the anger grew. I am and always will be a mama to a baby in heaven.

Apartments: it’s sad I know but I got my first apartment ever. I’ve nicked named my joint the projects. It’s a far cry from my 3,000 square foot home in the burbs with the top notch kitchen and HE washer and dryer, but it’s home baby. Some say it looks jut like the ikea catalog, it does I’ll admit that.

Dogs: I said good bye to my little English pointer miss freckles, knowing full well apartment life wasn’t her style. It was hard, yet I knew it was best, she loves kicking it with hazel and mystra. So since my heart was empty I set out looking for a new fuzzy pal. Insert a fluffy bichon frise named Cullen. He is a funny little beast and best of all he likes our little apartment.

Starting Over: a good friend said to me “hey Amjay at least your not 40 with two kids trying to start fresh.” True I’m not 40 and my only kid is in heaven, so I guess I’m all ready a head of the game. But still it was learning how to put one foot in front of the other. I went from being a wife and mother to a singleton. For the first few weeks I was lost, I was still stuck in mommy wife mode, but slowly the battery died and I learned how to be single again. I am building a life for myself, taking time to give back, and enjoy being me.

Friendship: I have made and maintained some amazing friendships this year. If I don’t name you in this just know I love you with all of my big puffy heart. God Mama has been a source of strength, she gave me faith when my tank was running empty, always telling me to duct tape my big girl pants on and that God has a plan. Miss Meghan my bestie, you are bright and amazing, your friendship means the world to me and I’m so glad your getting married. Miss Tara and Jillian both of you have such grace, thank you for your kind words and faith. A certain car lot manager, thank you for listening to my late night pity parties and reassuring me that things will be ok and that I am worth it. The architect thank you for the late night happy hour giggles, you my friend have taught me how to take chances and go with it. Dave, thank you for being there for me during one of the darkest moments of my life. Sheri, even thou our friendship ended I thank you for all that you did for me. A certain attorney thank you for uttering these words ” it all comes down to a judgment call” that was all I needed to hear and I made the call. I wish you well and may both of our lives be less dramatic. Dr cuzzo thank you for mentoring me and teaching me the law, Cherie thank you for making me the woman I am today and for igniting my nasty little travel habit. Scott even thou we weren’t meant to be, thank you for the happy times you gave to me, I will cherish those times, I just hope you get help for your addiction and illness. Connor, god Connor I wish you were here. You my friend were amazing and beautiful, I’ll never understand why you took your own life. Nylan, my sweet boy know that I will always love you, may god treat you kind. You will always be my son from another mother. Miss Joy my sister from another mother, you give me strength and you are so amazing. To every stranger I’ve come in contact with you have made my life better just by touching it for a brief moment. Friendship is the foundation to life, without friends we would be isolated islands in the sea, waiting for someone to discover our beauty. I am grateful to each and every one of you, thank you for blessing me with your presence, love and faith.

Facing Death: I am no stranger at deaths door. I always thought my kidneys would do me in. Having a blood clot came totally out of left field. I am reminded each and every day that life is a precious gift. I realize that your health is worth more than money. I rather be healthy than the richest woman in the world. Each day is a constant battle and so far I am winning.

Faith: even in my darkest days I never lost hope. If I did god mama was right there with faith in hand. I have to have faith and believe this all happened for a reason. God has a special place for the weary travelers. This road is mine, and mine alone to travel, I have faith that god will bring me a map reading partner one day.

I am ready to close the door on year # 27 and have the knowledge to take on year #28 with grace and strength. Thank you all so much for being apart of my life, I have extreme mad love for all of you. I can truly say my life is blessed because of you. A toast to a less dramatic, highly successful love filled, laughter filled year!

One chapter ends……a new one is left to be written.

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The air is cool and crisp in my tiny uptown apartment, I shiver a little as I put my feet on the floor. Rubbing cullen’s fuzzy little head, grabbing my phone I look at the date it’s October 22nd, 2010. I grab the bottle of baby aspirin, pop one and chase it down with water, looking in my fridge I grab an apple and head out to Calhoun with Cullen. Today is the one year anniversary of my Pulmonary Embolism and infarction. A day to be thankful for, so many doctors have told me I shouldn’t be alive, but here I am. I’m not sure why God chose me to save that day, but he did.

As I walked around the lake the memories of that day started rolling across my mind. I remember driving to work the pain was bare able at first, I just ignored it, and kept on driving. Soon the pain went from annoying to extreme, still I didn’t worry, and kept driving. Then my arm felt numb, it felt like someone was choking me, I could barely breath. I made it to Lexington parkway and decided to head back to wood bury. I do not remember that drive to woodwinds some how by the grace of God I made it. Once there I collapsed in the security guards arms, next thing I knew I came to with a nurse telling me he was going to cut my clothes off. I had wires coming from everywhere and heard the beep beep if the monitors. They were sending me to CT, and there it was a blood clot in my lung blocking the main valve to my heart. I was in serious trouble. They went to work, surgery wasn’t an option, as it may push the clot through my heart and into my brain. I was given a high dose of Heprin via iv, clot busters were injected, pain meds were given at my command, and I would be staying for a while. This would mark the first day of the worst year of my life. God he really through me for a loop this year. Yet I am thankful that it happened because with out the pain, I would have never of danced.

One would think having your wife almost die on you would strengthen your marriage. In away it did, yet Scott wouldn’t give up his “life style” for me. He never learned to cherish me and the time we had. He finally decided that we should have a baby, yup he decided it was time, when the clot was gone from my lung, we would start trying. We found out after Christmas that the clot had dissolved and started trying for a little bear if our own.

In April we found out we were expecting, I was over joyed and thought this was my calm after the storm. Yet this was another storm that I would weather with strength and grace, little bear died in May. I had created life, yet god took it away. This took some soul searching on my part. I blamed myself for the longest time, I thought I wasn’t good enough or fit enough to be a mom in gods eyes. Yet one day it dawned on me, there was nothing I could do to prevent it, I can’t change it, and nothing no matter how much I prayed and wished would bring little bear back. I am still a mom, my baby is just in heaven and one day I’ll see him.

Blood clots, child loss what else could god chuck at me. I had a few car accidents and the prius got broken into. I felt like this cloud was hovering over me, that god had a personal vendetta against me. I thought I was on his official “shit list” because bad stuff kept on occurring. On top of this bad luck my marriage was fading, I was in love with a man who would never love me or want me. Some would tell you my marriage was over before we said I do.

I met a new friend and we were talking one night, he was telling me about his failed marriage and that it went on and on because no one wanted to make the call. He looked at me and said “it all comes down to a judgement call” that’s all I needed to hear. A week later I walked out of my marriage and never looked back. It was hard at first but with each passing day it gets easier.

So in the summer I closed the door on my marriage and ended a friendship. I am glad that I ended both, without doing so I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today. I have reveled in my new found independence, traveled, and got a new dog. Constant chest pain reminds me that this life is a gift worth living.

With the fall came change, I walked away from a job I hated and never looked back. It’s funny every time I face a decision I think of what he said ” it all comes down to a judgement call”, who is gonna call it first. I’ve decided to finish what I started and head to law school. Hey some people buy hummers, others take trips to celebrate their new found freedom after divorce, and well I am applying to law school.

So today closes the door on the worst yet most amazing year of my life. I pray that the next year is filled with blessings and a ton of good luck. No bad thing allowed. I am a survivor, a survivor of a pulmonary embolism with infarction, a mama to a baby in heaven, and a young divorce. I am closing this chapter toasting it with a glass of wine and never looking back, as I have a new chapter to write.

Facelogic wth Miss Sherri

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Miss Sherri and I went to the Girl Friends Get Away out at Treasure Island Resort and Casino the weekend before Thanks Giving, also known as the deer hunting opener or does weekend. While there we pursed through the stalls of goodies, purses, clothes and all sorts of things. At one in particular they were selling $400 spa packages for $47 we couldn’t pass it up and slapped our credit cards down.

Idont know if you are suppose to snap photos in the spa but I did any way!
We went to Facelogic out in Eden Praire, man are they good at what they do!