{Heart Walk} Family Is Why I Walk

Posted on April 20, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

Will you join us in the fight against heart disease? My father survived congestive heart failure when he was 50 and at 26 I had a stroke, at 31 I found out I was destined to follow in his footsteps.

My stroke was a fluke, but my risk of developing congestive heart failure was always in the cards. Research saved our lives and it will continue to do so. Research will make my healthy tomorrow possible.

All of us deserve a tomorrow.

Please give what you can and come walk with us on Saturday April 25th at Target field. Together we can end heart disease.

Twin Cities Heart Walk 2015

{Heart Walk} Being an Auntie Is Why I Walk

Posted on April 20, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

Every day little girls are born into families where there Auntie lost her life to a Stroke or Pulmonary Embolism. They are growing up in a world where they only know her through stories and photos. They go their entire life without her, longing for the Auntie that was taken away all to soon.

This would have been Sophia’s world, but because of research my life was saved. Because people just like you are donating to the cause, research is funded and women like me get to walk away. We get to walk away on borrowed time, hold our nieces, and make memories with our families.

I am greatful for this life I get to lead. For this little girl, and the memories I create with her. One day she will realize just how hard her Auntie fights for her healthy tomorrow.

So please join us in this fight, together we can make a stand, together we can WIN this war. Join us at the Twin Cities Heart Walk on Saturday April 25, 2015.

Twin Cities Heart Walk 2015

Life is why

{Divorced Life} April 3, 2005

Posted on April 5, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

Ten years ago a bright eyed college junior walked across the Ross Hall Parking lot to hug her date. He had brown eyes and he was her cup of hansom. That day took them to canal park in Duluth, the ice was just letting out on the lake, the cool breeze landed her in his arms, and they had conversation over burgers at Grandma’s. She felt a tug like she never had before, with each word she fell for him. That night was the beginning of a beautiful disaster.

The Monday after our first date Scott called me and told me he had something to say. That if I wanted to walk away, he understood and that was ok. I waited, he took a deep breath and said “I have a son.” I excitedly asked “what’s his name, how old is he.” At 22 I stepped up to the plate and took on the role of stepmom. It’s a role that I cherished and I loved Nylan as he was my own.

Young love is full of passion with a dash of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what would happen if you veered from the vision you created and the path you dreamed of. Somewhere between 2005 and 2006 I threw caution to the wind and went all in. I graduated in May 2006, moved in with him in July and was engaged by thanksgiving.

Law school was put on the back burner and I started forming a new dream. I found a career in the pharmacy benefit management field and started planning our wedding. May 2008 seemed like a lifetime away, but in the wedding planning word it was just a day away. I planned every detail right down to our orange wedding cake.

Scott and I traveled the globe together. Cruises became our thing, we saw the Texaribian, Alaska, Africa and Europe. Money it wasn’t an object, we did what we wanted to. Scrapbooks were filled with photos of a happy couple and photos of the little family surrounded the home.

I just wasn’t marrying Scott I was marrying Nylan too. I raised Nylan like he was my own, we played together, baked together, and I showed him more love than one soul can handle. He was mine and that’s all that mattered. In the heat of wedding planning I decided to go back to school, we bought a house and continued to build a storybook life.

A life that was built on unstable ground. Scott cheated before we even said I do. I brushed it off and thought he would change as soon as we said I do. His ring was more of an anchor than a symbol. He didn’t want to be with just me. Overtime the words unraveled and our story fell apart. He took comfort in the arms of someone else, blamed me for our “bad marriage” and repeatedly told me that I was no longer attractive.

We saw our first wedding anniversary, we spent it apart. He was in Seattle and I stayed home with Nylan. Five months later on one fateful October day I almost died. Scott was to busy being Scott to care. He didn’t realize that my life had changed. I was no longer the woman he married, I had changed, my life was almost pulled away from me and I would never be the same.

He couldn’t handle the new me, he chose to leave me alone most nights and between WOW and the women we hardly spoke to each other. Well we must have found time to hang out because the joke was on me. On April 1, 2010 I found out I was pregnant with our son.Scott seemed genuinely excited to have a baby with me.

Yet the seat in my prius was moved each morning. I knew he didn’t give up his flings and I started looking at my options. My marriage was going nowhere fast and I would raise the child on my own if I had to. God stepped in and on May 11, 2010 I found out our son was gone. Scott was in Vegas, he didn’t even bother coming home, Sherri took me to the hospital and friends took care of me. No one should have to go trough the death of a child alone. When he came back, he expected me to be the same.

I would never be the same! I survived a PE and stroke, to only turn around and have my child die. I was broken and there was only one option, leave. On June 27, I walked away from my loveless marriage and started searching for myself. It will be five years this June, five beautiful years and I can truly say that I found myself.

To be honest I wouldn’t trade the five years I had with Scott, for those are the years that taught me to fight for myself. I know that I never want a marriage like that again and that no woman should settle for being kept. I do not hate him, I actually just don’t feel anything towards him, he is my son’s father and because of that Scott will always be a part of me.

Just like how my life would be different if I had never gone out on that date 10 years ago. Who knows I may be a lawyer, I might not of had a stroke, and I would probably be married with children. I chose to dance that day, I chose to throw caution to the wind and let fate ride. Fate she has brought me to a lot of beautiful places and put me through experiences that have given me a lifetime of lessons. I have no regret, because that one choice lead me through a beautiful disaster that I get to call life.

{Affordable Care Act} D.C. Meet AJ

Posted on March 28, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

There are moments where I have to pinch myself to make sure that I really am living this life. I went from survivor to advocate, to spokeswoman. Last Thursday I received an email from the American Heart Association’s National Advocacy office inviting me to Washington D.C. This just wasn’t any old regular invite, this this was an opportunity of a life time. I was invited to Washington D.C. by House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi. When Nancy Pelosi invites you to D.C., you go, YOU GO and I did just that.

I went and I became a part of history. I was invited to DC to speak at a press conference celebrating the 5th anniversary of the Affordable Care Act. The conference was held on the Capital Steps and it was organized by Leader Pelosi and members of the Democratic Caucus. Together we celebrated the Act and the fact that is working for millions of Americans. I am just one of the millions of Americans who benefited from the Affordable Care Act.

This was my moment to put a face to a cause. Words cannot describe the impact the Affordable Care Act has made on my life. As a Pulmonary Embolism / Stroke survivor I can no longer be denied coverage or be forced to pay more because of my medical history. In the eyes of the law I am equal to my healthy peers and because of this I am able to afford quality insurance and put my health first.

Yes, I found myself struggling to choose between paying my bills or paying for the medical care that I needed. For 18 months I went without health insurance and for part of that time I was only making $12 an hour. My most expensive prescription was $287.00 a month and I tried skipping it for a while, that just turned into a very expensive disaster. No one should ever have to choose between life saving care and bills. I never for one thought I would ever be in that position, but at 28 I found myself there. I found myself struggling to stay a float and was ashamed that I could not afford the health care I desperately needed.

Today I am no longer ashamed, I am empowered. I have an insurance card in my pocket and I owe it all to the Affordable Care Act. I no longer had to settle for a job, instead I got to hold out for the one I wanted. I no longer have to check the couch for spare change just to pick up my prescription. Instead I walk right into Target and pay only $20.00 for a brand name drug. I can afford to go to the doctor and I am now getting routine care. I can for the first time in a very long time, put my health first. Life is not worth living if you do not have your health.

{Nuva Ring} Claim Approval and Alligators

Posted on March 6, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

Late last night I fired of an email asking for an update on the Nuva Ring Claims process. Morning came and I was wrapped up in prepping for a work party, that email was long forgotten. By 2pm I had a chance to look at my email and there is was the update that I had asked for.

I read that email a few times and it took a while for the following scentance to sink in “We have been notified that your case did qualify for settlement under the injury of pulmonary embolism.” Wow, Merk was going to be putting a dollar sign on my injury and calling their payment fair compensation. I called my parents and together we did a happy dance.

For me, this case was never about the money. No amount of money can undo the harm that was done, it cannot restore me whole, and mostly it will never bring my fertility back. Complications from the Nuva ring have hindered my ability to carry a child. Alucious will be my only baby and that sweet boy rests with God.

Alucious would be 5 this year. Five years ago I bought a tiny baby alligator for him and it sat in the nursery waiting for him to arrive. Alucious never met the alligator instead a crown was placed upon his head and he rests with the angles. I hung on to the alligator in hopes that one day I would be able to give it to a second child. I still hold out a shit ton of hope that I will have a baby of my own. For now the little alligator hangs out in my kitchen and watches the world go by while waiting for Alucious.

The Nuva Ring changed my life in more ways than I ever thought possible. There are days where I want to give Merck a high five because in their failure I found purpose. I am more confident in myself and I am determined to make this word a better place. The Nuva Ring was my slingshot and I have never looked back. I turned a shitty situation into a life lesson for all of us and I use my story to create change. I cannot undo what happened to me, but I sure as hell can do everything in my power to prevent a woman from enduring my fate. If I can prevent one PE, then the hell I went throught was worth it.

Yes, Merck I will take your check, but just know that your failure of a product launched my purpose in life and I will not give up or in until it is no longer prescribed in this country.

{Go Red For Women} When A Doctor Fails

Posted on February 4, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

We have talked about the statistics. We talked about the warning signs and about what to do when someone is having a stroke. What we have yet to talk about is that sometimes doctors fail.

On October 14, 2009 I went to the Alina clinic in Woodbury for my yearly exam and birth control prescription renewal. The doctor was more concerned about whether or not my insurance would pay for the pap because I was a few weeks early. She said “Ya know they only pay for one per year. Your last exams was in November 2008. So they might not pay and you will get a bill.” The doctor actually left the room for a few minutes so I could think about whether or not I wanted my exam. Still to this day I can’t believe she did that.

When she came back in the room she was rushing and barely listening to anything I was saying. I was getting annoyed so I changed my tone and said “look I am really tired, my right leg has been throbbing, I have redness and swelling in my calf and upper thigh. This isn’t normal for me.” The doctor looked me in the eye and said “well you said you haven’t been walking as much. Go home walk and drink more water. Here’s your script. Bye.”

With those words she left the room and I got dressed. If she wasn’t concerned then I shouldn’t be. So I didn’t give it a second though and I went on about my day. As the days went by I wasn’t getting any better. I had shooting pains and major swelling in my leg. Again I brushed it off, drank some water, and walked a little more. I had bigger things to tackle. I finished out my last few days at the pharmacy benefit management company and looked forward to staring my new job that Monday. I didn’t have the time to be sick, so my health it was shoved to the side. After all the doctor she wasn’t worried so I wasn’t going to worry either.

Monday came and I was super pumped for my new job. By the end of the day I did not feel well. The shooting pain was moving up my leg into my stomach and I had this massive head ache. When I got home I took some Tylenol and went to bed. I woke up fine on Tuesday and set out to conquer day 2 of my new job. I felt fine all day Tuesday. Wednesday afternoon would prove to be difficult. I had this pain it felt like someone was dragging a knife up and down my right side. My leg was so swollen it barely fit in my pants and I just felt sick. When I got home I took some Tylenol and went to sleep.

Thursday October 22, 2009 I woke up feeling fine. I had slight pains in my chest, I chalked it up to a cold and headed out to work. Fuck me, the freeway was bumper to bumper and I was worried about being late. I continued on I94, as I drove the pain in my chest kept on getting worse. It felt like thousands of knives poking me and when I tried to take a deep breath it felt like trying to inflate a tiny balloon. Again I said to myself “don’t worry you will be fine, all you need to do is make it to work, take some Tylenol and drink some water. My condition worsened, by the time I reached Saint Paul I could barely breath, my arms were going numb, my heart was racing, and I, I was fighting. Lexington Parkway, I made it there and took the exit. I drove all the way back to Woodbury. I remember thinking do I go home or do I go straight to the Hospital.

I chose the hospital and that is where my morning unraveled. The doctor ruled out a heart attack and he was leaning towards a respiratory infection. I apologized profusely for taking up their time. My blood oxygen level was below 50% and the doctor paused for a moment and asked if I was on a birth control I told him “yes, Yes I am. I am on the Nuva Ring.” The Doctor explained the risks of blood clots and the D-Dimer test to me. He told me, its most likely not that, but we want to be safe. The results came back and the results were not good. I was in trouble. I was sent off to CT and with in forty minutes the blood clot was found. I had a blood clot the size of a ten cent gumball in my left lung. It was wedged in the main valve leading from my left lung to my heart. My lung had signs of infarction, I had 20% tissue death in the lower portion of my left lung. My heart was barely getting any blood nor was my body getting the vital amount of oxygen it needed.

The Doctor ordered the highest dose of Heparin possible. He talked to me and tried to explain everything that was going on. A nurse he noticed that my blood pressure was climbing. I remember looking at the nurse and saying “I feel really light headed, like I am sinking, and and……..” In that moment I lost my words. In that moment I had a stroke. The staff gave me clot busters and started the Heparin drip. I was not going home for a while. At 26 years old, just five days shy of my 27th birthday I almost died. My life was forever changed and I was left to chart my course as a survivor.

In the coming days I would learn that my stroke was 100% preventable. On October 14, 2009 I described the tell tale signs of a possible blood clot in the leg. She knew I was on the Nuva Ring which was known to cause blood clots. All my doctor had to do that day was listen to me. She had the ability to order a D-Dimer, that test would have signified that I had a clot somewhere in my body, instead she dismissed my concerns and sent me home. Preventable was the hardest pill I had to swallow. I went through hell because a doctor didn’t give a fuck about me, she was more concerned about my insurance company paying than my health.

I had to endure three weeks of Lovenox injections, seven months of INR checks and take warfarin sodium in an attempt to keep my blood thin. Worst of all because of her oversight that day, I can no longer carry a child. OBGYN’s are suppose to bring babies into this world, not take away a woman’s fertility. They are suppose to advocates for women’s health and not be the reason a woman’s health fails. I was on a birth control, so as I told her “Hey my leg hurts, its swollen, red, and warm to the touch.” A red flag should of went up and she should have done her duty and ordered the D-Dimer. Her lack of concern made me dismiss a shit ton of red flags. I thought “the doctor wasn’t concerned, so why should I be concerned?”

The beautiful thing about a woman’s body is that, it never steers her wrong. I should have listened to my gut and pushed for a second opinion. That one doctor changed my perspective and now I fight for my own health. I am not afraid to ask for a second, third, or forth opinion. I will not give up or in until I find someone who is just as passionate about health as I am. I will be damned if I ever get dismissed by a doctor again. To be honest I don’t trust doctors anymore. They are only as smart as the paper their license is printed on.

The OBGYN I saw that day is fully aware of what happened to me. She actually called me and apologized. I said to her “Your apology cannot bring my lung function back, it will not restore my ability to have a baby, and it will not make your lack of concern OK. You can shove your apology up your ass. What’s done is done.” I cannot undo what she did to me, but I sure as hell can make sure no other woman endures my fate. If my story saves one woman or makes one woman pause and ask her doctor “what is my risk.” Then the hell I went through on that day was worth it, because I was able to make a difference in another woman’s life.

{Hearts On 22} Scales Are For The Birds

Posted on January 22, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

I have never been one to follow the crowd or listen to critics. I rather stay in the woods and join the teddy bear picnic. Society tells me I am fat and that I should change. Change, means losing weight and striving to be there kind of beautiful.

There kind of beautiful is not my kind of beautiful. I’m not exactly fat, some call me fit. Others, well they just call me fluffy. Society wants me to be ashamed of my tits, my hips, my stomach, my ass, and my curves that go on for days. Once I was ashamed, I strived and I tried to be skinny. But, skinny wasn’t me, we didn’t work out and I put my size 14 jeans back on.

My size 14 ass has seen a lot of shit. When I look in the mirror I see curves with a dash of strength and a twist of determination. My body, she is powerful and she is amazing. She has never let me down. She beat the odds to walk another day. Scars are stories that left an imprint on your soul. My scars, shit I’ve got more than I can count. The newest one is a really cool neck scar and it is a reminder to always fight for answers.

Answers never come easy and sometimes you kind of wish you stayed in the woods. People stare at my scar, they look me up and down when they find out I had a stroke and lord they hit the floor when they find out I have a son in heaven. We are never told that sometime the fairytale sucks and that shit gets deep. Life isn’t fair and we are never prepared for the short deck. Yet we must always play the hand we are dealt and love the only body we will ever have.

My body is beautiful. Beautiful because it carries my surviving heart from place to place. I will never be a model, a hottie or hell even a heartthrob. I am simple and unexpected, and someone out there cannot get enough of my kind of beautiful.

Rock what the good lord gave you, put down that diet book, throw out your scale, and girl start loving yourself! Strength and determination are fucking sexy and they look good on YOU! Girl, you are not a bird, stop eating like one and enjoy food. As in really enjoy your life and have a little fun along the way. Kiss a stranger, dance in the rain, be daring, and never ever give up on your sweet self!

{BirchBox} Let’s Do This!

Posted on January 22, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

“We’re speeding full force into 2015 with a vow to make the most of every minute—starting now! And we can’t think of a better way to begin than with some must-have beauty picks to help you look and feel your best.”

Let’s do this! 2015 is here and the possibilities are endless. A blank book lays before us and its up to you to put the words onto the page. This is your year! Your year to create amazing memories, to laugh, to thrive, and to achieve big big things! So get out there, find yourself, and remember never look back!

A new year means stepping out of my comfort zone and giving new products a whirl. I was super stoked when BirchBox revealed that Tocca would be a sample choice option. I have always wanted to try out this brand and I was never lucky enough to get the sample in my box. So I snapped it up the moment I got my sample choice email from BirchBox.

“Hey! What did you get in your BirchBox this month?!”

Let’s Do This!

Balance Me – Wonder Eye Cream: anti-aging multitasker that conquers wrinkles and dark circles at the first signs of aging.
—————————> Girl, I’ve got a confession! I was like so born with dark circles! So that means I am always in the market for a good eye cream and thanks to subscription boxes I get to try out a ton. I love how Balance Me soaks right in and it does not leave my under eye area an oily mess.

It’s A 10 Hair – Miracle Leave in Product plus Keratin: this 10 in one treatment address the spectrum of hair damage, from brittleness to frizz.
————————> I am normally not a fan of leave in products. However this one has changed my tune. Its light weight non-stinky formula leaves my hair soft with little to no frizz.

Manna Kadar Lip Locked in All of You: All in one primer, stain, and gloss that’s loaded with vitamins and berry extracts.
———————-> This is actually a repeat for me. Remember how I made a stink last month because my sample choice was missing from my box. Well who would have thunk that BirchBox would be sending it to me again in January. This is a different shade than the Lucky, it is more of a peachy nude and I think its perfect. I love the staying power and light weight formula.

MyChelle Dermaceuticals: this hydrating argan and boabab oil blended combats signs of aging and smooths skin and hair.

TOCCA Crema da Mano – Cleopatra: loaded with natural botanicals, this grapefruit and cucumber lotion absorbs in a flash.
————————-> This is like the holy grail of BirchBox samples and I finally got my hands on it. Literally I got my hands on it. I love love the scent it starts out grapefruit and then cucumber settles into the party on your hands. It is light weight, non-greasy, and baby it really does absorb in a flash!

BirchBox is off to a good start and I cannot wait to see what the other 11 boxes will hold. To me BirchBox is like an adventure and you never know what that little box will hold. It could be bliss or a fucking blunder. No one likes a blunder, so may all of your BirchBoxes be a blissful adventure in 2015.

Birch Box is a beauty and lifestyle subscription box program that costs $10.00 per month. For every dollar you spend in the shop you can earn 1 point. 100 points will get you a free birch box or $10 towards a purchase in the shop at birchbox.com. I know you’ve got friends so why not refer those friends to Birch box and earn a few points for doing so. If you would like to learn more and get a Birch Box of your very own go to http://www.birchbox.com for more information.

***I was not compensated for this post. Opinions are my own***

{Go Red} The Story of A Woman’s Heart Is Why

Posted on January 9, 2015 by NinjaInTheCity

When people find out that I had a stroke, they look at me like I have an infinite amount of wisdom. Wisdom,
Ha I am only 32 years wise and there are things I will never begin to understand. I, I am just a small town girl who had a stroke and some how I get to do big things.

If you would have told me five years ago that I would get to participate in a photo shoot and a PSA commercial to raise awareness of heart disease and stroke in women. I would of probably giggled and said “you’re nuts!” But here I am, it’s been five years and I am thriving. Brave doesn’t describe it, I am baring my soul for the public good. I am putting a face to a horrible experience.

Yet on the same coin, I am raising awareness that strokes can and do happen to perfectly healthy young women. That birth control has and does cause serious life altering side effects. I am raising awareness that, before the affordable care act, young women like me couldn’t afford health insurance. We put off going to the doctor because it was expensive. Now I truly can put my health and mostly my heart first.

I love with all of my surviving heart and I do not back down from challenges. Because I, I survived the worst day possible. I am more than a stroke, I am more than the collateral damage Merck accounted for, I am more than a survivor, I am a woman with a vibrant heart. I am first and for most a mother to my son in heaven and a mama to a Muppet like dog. I am an Aunt, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend, and a Girlfriend. I am many things and I play many roles, yet survivor is one that I will never give up.

I am proof that every horrible situation has a silver lining. Six months after my Stroke I found out I was pregnant with my son. My heart was full and I felt vindicated. That somehow God still believed in me and that good still existed in this world. Even thou Lucia never took a breath, he is my greatest joy. He is the reason I do what I do and I want him to be proud of his Mama on earth.

My P.E./Stroke and death of my son were not the end of my horrible bad days. They were just the beginning and those moments of utter disaster gave me the strength I needed to put myself first and walk out of a loveless marriage. Eight months after I had my pulmonary embolism and stroke I filed for divorce. Surviving taught me to listen to my heart and to put myself first. A woman’s heart will never steer her wrong.

It’s been almost five years since my divorce was finalized and I have never looked back. I had to come into my own and figure out who I was. Surviving is only half the battle. One cannot simply just survive, they need to thrive. Once you start to thrive, you start living again. I rented my very first apartment, adopted a dog, changed jobs, found myself, and started dating. I’ve had my moments where I swore to myself that I would be single forever, only to be swept of my feet. Love it eluded me, but I finally caught it with my butter fly net! Its an amazing feeling to be in love with a man who loves every inch of my surviving heart!

I own everything that has happened to me. This is the story of my heart and I would not trade it for anything in this world. It’s mine, I have loved every moment of this beautiful disaster that I call “my life.”

But mostly, I have spent the past five years encouraging women to be their best health care advocate. Encouraging women to be brave, to go against the grain, and mostly to fight for themselves. The moment we give up and give in, is the moment we lose hope. No woman deserves to fight alone, all of us are in this together until the bitter end.

{2014} Life Lessons with a Hint of Glitter

Posted on December 23, 2014 by NinjaInTheCity

2014 was one crazy beautiful disastrous year and all I have to show for it is a really cool neck scar. I’ve been telling people I got my scar in a bar fight, sadly no one believes me. I need to practice my stick in the shower and then just maybe someone will believe my bar fight story!

I have to stop myself when I look back and realize how far I’ve come. February brought tears and mixed emotions. The six year fight against Merck was finally over. Merck does not have to admit wrong doing, they just swept us under the rug and carried on as usual. We were nothing more than the collateral damage they had accounted for. Merck created a $100 million dollar slush fund to compensated 3,800 women for their injuries caused by the Nuva Ring. No amount of money will undo the damage and it will never make us whole again. I was never in this for the money, I I wanted to make a difference and to make sure no woman endured my fate.

Fate is a funny thing, some might say 2014 was the year of the Cancer scare. Cancer didn’t scare me, even when my name was put before the “C” it didn’t shake me. It humbles me to know that God didn’t bring me this far to bring me down. This was the year that I listened to my gut and urged doctors to look deeper. A sore knee lead me to a neurologist who ordered a multitude of MRIs and CT/PET Scans. Those scans lead to a fine needle biopsy and that biopsy lead to the removal of my lymph nodes. Surgery went well, however my recovery was anything but. A nasty surgical site infection was a tiny piece to the unfolding puzzle. In late July I was diagnosed with an auto inflammatory disease. I am still learning how to move in my new normal.

Steroids and anti inflammatory medications had me feeling like my old self by August. 2014 was the year of being wise enough to know when to fold them. The Manhuman moved in and out in August. He and I were never meant to be. I am a go getter and well he just took up space on my couch. I couldn’t let someone live off of me, so I threw in the towel and took back my space. He moved out and I moved on.

Moved on to take road trips with my Dad and discovered new not so boring places. The state school for abandoned and neglected children was both heart breaking and amazing. Finding one of our own among the rows of the children’s cemetery took my breath away. Iowa proved to be beautiful and the Bily Clock Museum did not disappoint. Niagara cave was more of a bust than a wonder. Now circus world, now that lived up to its name. Wisconsin Dells with my mama is always a good time and wine tasting with my dad is the best way to spend a weekend on the north shore.

I am so crafty, that I bleed glitter. When I think of 2014 I think of a never ending river of spray paint and refurbished furniture. Who knew spray painting a dumpster find would be so much fun. Yes I AmandaJean actually dumpster dove. Well not really, it’s more like I alley picked and went for the items next to the dumpster. If it was near a dumpster it still counts as dumpster diving in my book. I let my creativity flow and discovered a new sassy crafty side of myself. I now have this crazy obsession to design and build a tiny home out of reclaimed materials and repurposed items. I also want to have back yard chickens. Yes my own little flock of laying hens. I need chickens in my life.

Life this year was full of firsts. Sophia said “I love you Auntie” for the very first time and my heart melted into the floor as I scooped her into my lap. Her little face lights up when I walk into the room, her hand practically falls off as she excitedly waves and shouts “HI! Auntie Mannie! HI!” I love Sophia’s little voice and her sassiness. For a two year old she is bold, holds her own, and is as sweet as pie. Watching her personality grow throughout 2014 was a joy. I can’t believe she is almost three. Time sure does fly when you are having fun.

The fall brought lessons and heartbreak. It’s hard when you realize your male best friend was never your best friend. That you were just a pawn in his emotional game. That you meant nothing and that he was embarrassed to call you his friend. His true colors were on display and our friendship was eliminated. Breaking up with your friend is hard. But in the end it showed me exactly who my true friends were. They are the people who love me for me. They accept my flaws, laugh at my blunders, and cheer me on in moments of doubt. Mostly they are the ones who give me the strength to change the world.

Change occurs when we least expect it. I finally have the type of love you read about in books and watch unfold on the silver screen. I have an amazing man that I do not have to chase. He tells me that I am beautiful and that I am the missing piece to his puzzle. In his eyes I am perfect. Jay thinks my flaws are beautiful, he digs my kind of crazy, and loves that I am a strong quirky woman. He is exactly what I didn’t know I needed. Even I couldn’t have imagined this type of soul connecting relationship. It feels like I have known him for a thousand years. When I am with Jay the world melts away and I get lost in the moment. For the first time in three years I have allowed myself to feel, to connect, and to fall in love again. I finally have my movie worthy romance!

2014 was more than a Cancer scare and it was more than a diagnosis of a disease that has no name. It was about living in the moment and remembering to find the beauty in the disaster.

Have Bear Will Travel

She had to break, so I could shine

Category Archives: Blood Clot