Category Archives: survival

{Dear Sophia} A Letter to My Niece

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Dear Sophia,

Rumor on the street is that you are coming tomorrow. That means your birthday will be on January 26th. I think that’s a mighty fine day for my niece to be born.

Sophia you are being born into a legacy of strong women and a blood line that is grounded in the tradition of the Ojibway nation. Your great great Grandmother Grace suffered and endured so that you could be free. You are possible because she knew that one day it would be ok for Indian people to marry white people. That is your how your Grandfather got here.

Your Grand Daddy has been through hell and back. Next month marks the tenth anniversary of his heart attack. Your Mama and I are thankful that our Daddy is here to see his first grand baby. When you are older I will tell you why I call Grandpa Pete. Pete isn’t his real name. Just know that you are like butter in your Grandpa’s hands and he will do anything for you. If he says no just ask Grandma. She always gives in.

Your Grandma is one hell of a woman. Her name is Sharon and she was one of the first females to hold a heavy equipment operators license. Grandma drove a dump truck and she taught us that “Women can do a man’s job and we can do it better than they can!” Your Grandma never let your Mama and I quit.She will do the same with you. Grandma will tell you “Sophia there is no such thing as I can’t. Because you can do it.” If Grandma tells you no ask Grandpa. He always gives in and will make you promise to not tell Grandma that he gave in. Thats how your Mama and I got what we wanted.

This brings me to your Mama. You’ve been hanging out with her and by now you know she is obsessed with purses. I’m sorry but she will subject you to her purse obsession. Your Mama is a strong woman. She doesn’t think she is but that girls got fight in her. JammieLeigh is her name (Grandma had a thing for double names) and she is a force to be reckoned with. When your mama and I were little we would play in our fort in the woods for hours on end. She was captain Jammie and I was her trusty sidekick the boobie bird. I had a cape and goggles that I wore to play the part of the perfect side kick. Where ever your Mama went the Boobie bird (don’t ask) wasn’t far behind her. Thats how our lives have been. Together we make the perfect team and I am honored to have woman like your Mama as my sister. In Red Wing your Mama and I are simply known as Greg’s girls.

People know not to mess with our family because we’re like a miniature country. You mess with one you mess with all of us. Lucky for you your Auntie (that’s me) is a lobbyist and she is making the world better for you. Instead of using my fists I use my words. Your Mama knows how to shoot a gun {I fear for your future dates} and well I can sail the get away ship. Thou I hope things never come to that point.

Sophia my wish is that we will never need to sail a gate away ship. That is unless we find our selves in shark infested waters. Then I’d want to sail a get away ship. Seriously thou I know you will do big things and that you are going to be one incredible little lady. Go easy on your Mama and just know that she’s gullible. I once I had her believing her car was possessed. Wait…wait it still is. So if you don’t want to go to school just tell her you saw a monster in the driver’s seat. Trust me she will believe you.

Now to the serious part. Sophia you have the power to change this world and make it better for the next generation. I hope you grow up to find a career that you love and don’t consider it work. Never lose your sense of wonder, never forget to dream, and live with your heart wide open. You are a ninja and ninjas never give up. Make your own road and let the stories of the past ground you. As long as you believe in what you are doing you can never go wrong. My son will be the angel on your shoulder and he will watch over you. He will always make sure you come home. Know that no matter where you go in this world I will always love you.

You Sophia are a life worth fighting for. Your mama will fight tooth and nail for you. My promise to you is this: I swear to you that I will do everything in my power to make medications safe for women. That you will not have to endure my fate and struggle to get you back. You will not be lost in this world. You my dear girl have strong women that will ground you and an angel looking out for you. You will live a life that dreams are made of.

Love

Auntie AJ

{Hope} For A Better Day

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Over the past few weeks I have been the rock in which the sea of kindness crashes upon. Its waves have wrapped themselves around me and I have never been more greatful. Because of you I will conquer this crazy disease or what ever the Doctors are calling it now. Your tweets, texts, phone calls, Facebook wall posts and emails have not fallen on deaf ears. I read each and every one of them. They make me smile and remind me that I am not alone in this world. Today I got an email from a coworker and it simply read “We are rooting for you in Denver!” That right there made my day.

Someone asked me today “Do you ever get mad? You know do you ever stomp and scream at the top of your lungs?” The answer is simply: No. Stomping and screaming will not change the box I am standing in. This was in the cards and it is the hand I have to play until my last card is on the table. Fate is simply just fate. I did not do anything to deserve this. It was just laid before me. Some of us have it easy and others fight like hell until their last breath leaves their soul.

My soul is filled with hope. Hope for a better day. A day where I can wake up without pain, throw the prescriptions to the side, and dance my cares away. For now hope and faith are holding me together. I fight back tears when I look at the healthy 29 / 30 somethings around me. There are moments where I wonder “Why the fuck me!” Then I take a breath and I think “Fuck the self pithy train. AJ duck tape your big girl pants on and strap your self in. Because we are going to beat this fucking thing.” An then I brush my teeth and get ready for work. Because Today has to be better than yesterday.

{Hearts} On 22 ~ Sweet Emma Maurene

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Some of us can go our whole lives without knowing a heart transplant patient. When you do your life is forever changed and you are greatful for the gift.

In 1992 Emma Maurene became the first infant in the state of Minnesota to receive a heart transplant. Emma was born with an under developed heart valve and was admitted to the University of Minnesota Hospital on the day she was born. At three months old she had her heart transplant in St Louis Missouri. Someone had to go first, to prove the odds wrong, and champion the way for other infant heart transplants. There was no better fit than this little girl.

Emma was a beautiful little girl. Full of life, smiles, and laughter. She fought a good fight giving it her all until the bitter end. Shortly after Christmas Emma was admitted to St. Johns Hospital in Red Wing, and like other times she was flown to the University of Minnesota to have her condition cared for. The common cold would prove to be to strong for this little girls body to fight off. Sadly Emma passed away on December 29th, 1995.

The church was packed to the gills, hundreds came to say goodbye to a tiny little girl. Her love and her zest for life is what carries us. Her memory brings peace knowing that in those three short years they gained more knowledge that would allow them to save little girls like Emma all over the world.

Emma fueled my involvement with the American Heart Association and the National Organ Donor Program. My uncle use to have a bumper sticker on his truck that read “Recycle Yourself and Save A Life.” Its true each and every one of us are capable of saving a life by donating our organs. One family had to make a heart wrenching decision when their child died, that child’s heart, gave my uncle and his wife three years with Emma. An now Emma is saving lives. The University of Minnesota is now a leader in pediatric heart transplants, they got this information and learned from our Emma Maurene.

Emma is close to my heart and when I am on stage advocating for heart health I think of her. Her Daddy was robbed of his little girl. Jeffery never got to watch Emma go on her first date, graduate from high school, or walk her down the aisle. Instead he got to say goodbye on a snowy December day. I think of all the Fathers I have met and how they tell me heart disease robbed them of their daughter. Of how hard it was to watch their little girls slip away.

Heart disease is the #1 KILLER of Women in America. If you ask me, we need to stop it in its tracks and put it to bed once and for all. Every woman you meet is someone’s daughter and their Father’s deserve to see their lives unfold.

{False Hope} and Cracker Jacks

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When I was a little girl I held out such hope and wonder for the prize that lay hidden with in my box of Cracker Jacks. Hope that inside the box I would find a decoder ring. I carefully ripped the top of the box off, dug my little hand into the caramel covered goodness, and pulled out the prize envelope. Only to find that I had received another sticker, comic book, or plastic frog. That decoder ring eluded me and I began to think that Crack Jacks lied to me. That they never put a decoder ring in their boxes of yummy goodness and it was just an advertising ploy to sell more Cracker Jacks.

The decoder ring eludes me to this day. Every now and then I buy a few boxes just to see if that decoder ring is inside. It never is and the plastic frog has been replaced with cheap stick on tattoos. Is the decoder ring a lie or is it truly a prize one can find in the bottom of their Cracker Jacks box. We will never know until we peel the top off to find out.

This morning I awoke to yet another Facebook post about a friend being pregnant. This time those words “I’m pregnant” stung and cut through my heart. Why you ask? Its simple this person led me to believe that they could never get pregnant. Because her ovaries and fallopian tubes were filled with scar tissue. I believed her and felt bad for her. An when I found myself in the same infertile boat, I leaned on her for support. Little did I know she was taking my words and twisting them into her own story, using them for her own benefit, and now she is proclaiming a miracle.

By days end her status was filled with hundreds of well wishes, prayers, and congratulations. No one stopped to question the fact that she lied. For years she has told people that it would be impossible for her to get pregnant, let alone carry that child to term. Here she was telling all of us that she is now with child, a child that is a miracle. I am happy for her and glad that she is pregnant.

However on the same coin I wish she would come forward and tell the truth. Because now she is providing hundreds of women like myself with false hope. I was to upset to go into work this morning. So I called A and told him what I had found out. He claimed bull shit right away. There I was crying in the arms of a friend and questioning where my prize was. I told A ” I want a prize god damn it. I lived through hell and what do I get nothing.” He looked at me and said “I hate it when you cry.” Followed by “AmandaJean your prize is better than a baby. Your prize is your life. You are walking, talking, living proof that people can and will survive a pulmonary embolism, stroke, and cancer. An that babes is the best prize of all.”

A is right, life is the best prize of all. He also reminded me that not everyone has a friend who offers to carry a child for her. That not everyone has a friend who will endure weeks of hormone injections to give her eggs away. I’d say I am one lucky woman. My decoder ring doesn’t lie inside a box of caramel coated popcorn, it lies within the hearts of two women, and those women are giving me the greatest prize of all. They are providing me with HOPE that one day I to will be a mom.

At the end of the day I do not need to lie to make myself better or bigger. Some people make gashes out of paper cuts, mountains out of mole hills, and I choose to make the world better by sharing the hell I went through. My five-year old self still holds out hope that inside a box of Cracker Jacks lies a decoder ring. Maybe one day my son or daughter will rip off the box top, reach inside, and come running to me saying “Mommy I found a decoder ring.”

{Alucious} Sophia’s Big Cousin In Heaven

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People have been asking me “How are you doing with your Sister’s pregnancy? Your parents must be so happy.” In reality it hurts. Every day I go out into the world I am reminded that my son is in heaven. That for some reason God chose him to sit upon the clouds. My family has become a flutter of baby prep, traveler bobs, cribs, clothes, and baby all day every day. My parents do their best to walk on egg shells and try not to mention Sophia’s arrival.

Egg shells are not needed. This was Gods plan and the hand I have to play. Sometimes I wonder what would Alucious be like. He would be walking by now and I wonder what his laugh would sound like. Would he have blue eyes and curly hair like me, or would he look like his father. Yea, the father that walked away when he died. The ex-husband blames our divorce on Alucious. That his death created a wedge. The wedge was all ready there, he just helped me kick it out-of-the-way.

At the time Alucious died I did not see any good in the situation. I only saw anger, failure, and pain. Failure because God didn’t have faith in me to see Alucious through. In truth I had faith in God but not in myself. I had to learn to look beyond the gray and have faith in the light. All good things come in time. A few months after his death I was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer and now I am cancer free. The cancer took every last shred of hope I had for a child, as the Doctors rendered me infertile. Cancer sucks, but not being able to have a child sucks even more.

Then again when another door is forced shut a window can be pried open. Angela has given me her word that she will place a baby in my arms. One day I will meet a man who understands that 1. My son died, 2. I can’t have kids, but hey Angela can, and 3. Its your sperm and not my egg. Alucious deserves to have a brother or sister on earth. For now I am settling for a muppet like dog.

We will do everything we can to let Sophia know about her big cousin in heaven. She we lay beneath his mobile, the turtles dancing over head, and in her a dream will be realized. My sister JammieLeigh is going to share Sophia with me and I will be the best Aunt possible. I have a feeling that she will be calling me to get her our of trouble and to trick her Mom into giving her ice cream for dinner. Sophia is a gift, a beautiful life, and she will have an angle on her shoulder. As I am sure Alucious will spend his days playing with her in the breeze, stomping in the puddles, and rolling in the dirt.

Alucious lays beneath the Birch tree. So perfect, so beautiful, and at peace in this place of wonder. I face the sun and in its warmth I know he’s here and his life was not in vain. My son would want me to be put together and happy. I owe it to him to live the best life possible and to create something beautiful out of his memory. Alucious Gregory may not of graced this earth but for a moment, yet his tiny life has made me a Mama to a baby in Heaven. An I am greatful to be his mom down here on earth, while he plays on the clouds of heaven.

{29} Happy Birthday!

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Me and My Mama at my Birthday Lunch


Wow I can’t believe that I am one year closer to 30. I guess when you have all ready been through a life time of shit it means everything is down hill from here. I may only be 29, however I have lived a life that dreams are made of. Sorrow reminds me that I am human. Each night I ask God to keep my son Alucious close and to make sure Nylan turns out all right. I’ve been a wife, a mother, a best friend, a sister, a paralegal, an advocate, a lobbyist, and now I get to be an auntie to Sophia.

Survivor is a label I wear proudly. I tirelessly advocate for heart health, stroke symptom awareness, and healthy kids. There is one thing I’ve learned : I would trade all of my money in a heart beat if it meant I could have my health back. Money can buy me things that will make me happy. However it cannot buy my health. Wealth is no fun when you do not have health on your side. So take it from me. Take care of yourself. You only have one body, one heart, and in the end money will mean nothing. But your health will mean everything.

I’ve struggled with the fact that my health will never be the same and that this is the body I have to grow old with. My body has brought me to some pretty darn amazing places over the past year. It has brought me to DC, the gulf coast, NYC, and countless other locations. It has allowed me to share my story and save lives. Life is the ultimate gift and I am so very glad God has granted me with one more year upon this earth.

It is my hope that the next year is filled with goodness and big amazing things. If I dare to dream then I can dare live a big meaningful life. People try to knock me down, rip my reputation apart, and spread the words of incapable across the firm. That alone gives me strength to prove that I am 1. a bigger person, 2. a professional, and 3. I will out shine the {redacted}. I have something he will never have and that is class. One can’t lie their way into class. They can only fumble when their lies start to unravel and unravel they will. I may not be there to see it. Yet I will smile silently at his blunder and step over him on my way to the top. The only place I am going is up.

Up. Thats where I am headed. I’ve got two jobs that I love. One requires more effort than the other. A speaking schedule that can’t be beat, a book deal on the table, and well my lawyer tells me we are winning. I’d say that’s some pretty darn awesome sauce. Not to mention this here blog isn’t doing to shabby either. People like to read about my antics, dating blunders, cry with me, and say fuck it. I swear online as I swear in real life. I am nothing but myself and I am human. Humans swear and they like it too!

Fuck it. I am in a relationship with myself. I have no time for dating. I want to but I have no life outside of work. It’s bad my friends have to remind me that we have dinner dates and nights of ninja antics. My goal for year 29 is to work a little less and have what you regular folks call a social life. A social life sounds interesting and wow taking trips for fun sounds like a gosh darn good plan. Who knows maybe there is a man out there who is brave enough to step into my world and take me on. I’m not holding my breath. Thats why I have the muppet to keep me company.

So Ninjas a toast! Goodbye 28 and Hello 29. May year 29 be filled with good friends, endless opportunity, laughter, adventure, and mostly love. Thank you so much for being a part of my life. Each and every one of you means the world to me. Know that I care about you and love you more than you will ever know. Ninjas for ever. May we go down kung fu fighting!

{Hearts} On 22 ~ 2 Year Pulmiversary

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~Only 1 out of 3 people SURVIVE a Pulmonary Embolism~

I thank my lucky stars that I was that 1 who got to walk away and live my life for the other 2 who died

Pulmonary Embolism: Signs and Symptoms:
Blood Clots can break off from a DVT and travel to the lung, causing a pulmonary embolism (PE), which can be fatal

■Sudden shortness of breath
■Chest pain-sharp, stabbing; may get worse with deep breath
■Rapid heart rate
■Unexplained cough, sometimes with bloody mucus
Call an ambulance or 911 immediately for treatment in the ER

350,000—600,000 people in the United States develop blood clots every year. About 100,000 people in the U.S. die each year from blood clots.

Reference: The Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Prevent Deep Vein Thrombosis and Pulmonary Embolism, US Dept of Health and Human Services, 2008.


Life is funny. We are born and then we grow old. So old that we no longer recognize the child on the scrap-book page. Life is truly a gift and a dream worth fighting for.

On October 22nd 2009 my life changed forever. One can say that this was the day my Heart Healthy Lifestyle began. Its true one moment in my life change my path forever. It made me realize just how fragile life is. An it taught me that blood clots and strokes occur in young people. Folks still can’t believe their ears when I say ” I am a Pulmonary embolism / Stroke survivor.” They do a double take and then the look of pity comes.

Pitty is something I never asked for nor is it something I want. My life is a gift. I am lucky. Luck has nothing to do with it. Then again if you ask my parents they would tell you “She is working on her third life.” Its true I am. Three separate times death knocked at my door and each time I walked away. I walked away humbled knowing that only God truly knows when my day will be done. But until that moment comes, it is my job to live a life filled with meaning and faith.

Faith is what got me through recovery. It is what allowed me to inject myself with blood thinners, swallow more pills than I could hold in my hand, and got me through therapy. Mostly faith is something I hold on to. Because if I didn’t have faith then heaven wouldn’t exist and my son would be floating around in an abyss. Part of me wonders if I didn’t have faith, would I still be standing here?

Standing up for myself and letting the Drug Company know that one day they will pay for what they did. Anger is something I feel when the God Damn “Ring” commercial comes on TV. I yell back “Bull shit, fucking convenient my ass. Tell that to me now. Tell me how easy it is?” Of course my TV never answers back, yet sitting in an office in Inver Grove are over 1 million pages of expert witness testimony. Those pages are riddled with answers and one day they will speak for me.

The only thing I can do now is speak up. Over the past two years I have criss crossed the country sharing my story. Educating women about the risks of blood clots, stroke, and heart attack associated with hormonal contraceptives. I tell them don’t be a statistic like me, listen to what your body is telling you. Don’t let doctors blow you off. If you have the symptoms for a clot ask them to check your blood. I learned of my clot when it was too late and I am paying the price every day.

Trust me if I could go back and do it again I would leave the ring where I found it. I can’t go back. I can only go forward. Aspirin, Viagra (Yes Viagra. It is a heart medication for women), and anti-inflamitories have become my BFFs. They keep my heart and lung healthy. Mostly they provide me with peace of mind and remind me that I have a life worth fighting for.

My Birthday is on Thursday and the best present you could give me is to live a heart healthy life style. Go to your doctor for a heart check up. You only get one heart and once your heart goes you are done. Learn they symptoms of a blood clot, stroke and heart attack. Heck even learn a little CPR in honor of me. Heart Health is the best present you could ever give to me. Because in 2009 I almost died 5 days before my 27th birthday. I got the best gift that year and that was life. I want you to get life for your birthday as well.

{Ojibway} The Seventh Generation

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I am a lover of cardigans and wear specs in a contact lens kind of world. On the outside I look white. However I am anything but. I am the daughter of an Irish Ojibway Indian and a German. Greatful to be raised in the traditions of the past and strong enough to make a difference. A difference in the lives of reservation kids. Working hard to abolish mascots and raising awareness of Native American culture and history. This is my path and it is one I walk proudly on.

Walking this road can be hard some days. It is not easy, the stigmas of the past still present in the modern world. Living with the knowledge that my Grandfather was taken from his mother. Why, because someone believed “Kill the Indian, save the child.” He was robbed of his language, his hair cut, and his buck skins traded in for rough cotton clothes. He was told “you are no longer Red Squirrel. You are now Clifford Raymond.” My Grandfather was forced to believe in a bible that he didn’t understand. His way of life was no longer.

My grandfather was lost in the western way of life. He like most Indian’s turned to the bottle. Inside he found comfort and the pain it started to fade with each sip. He managed to marry an Irish woman, fathered 13 children, and tried to run a farm. Farming wasn’t his thing he had more kids than he could care for. Yet, he did the best he could. Thats what any lost Indian does. When they aren’t knee-deep in the bottle they do the best they can to survive.

Indian people are resilient. They can make nothing into something and still believe in a better day. I am part of the seventh generation. Our ancestors predicted that the seventh generation would unite the people and bring change to the land. We are doing that. Change is rising each day. Each day a child on the reservation chooses education over a life of addiction. With each diploma, with each child who comes back and makes a difference. Who leads their reservation into the modern world. I am a part of that change motivating our youth to seek college and to change the world around them. Teaching ACT prep to the students via Skype and in person. Often meeting in the school or casino banquet halls. These kids are our future and words cannot describe how bright it is. Offering kind words and parenting skills to parents during visitation monitoring sessions. Lending an ear to a battered woman and whispering it will be all right into a child’s ear.

They may be broken, worn out, and down on their luck. However these are my people and I will be damned if I turn my back on them. I am who I am because of my ancestors who died in the name of justice. My great uncles started the first Indian run news paper in the 1920’s called the Tomahawk. To this day it is the oldest Native American run paper in the country. My other great-uncle was the first Indian to be appointed to the bench. Serving as a federal judge. He is my inspiration and the reason why I love the law. My great great Grandmother is chief Skywoman the only female war chief of the Ojibway nation. Her blood runs through me and her legacy is the reason I am here. She believed in a better day where her people would be free.

That better day has come and the time is now. I am living proof that times change. I am proud to be a biracial woman and proud of my Ojibway heritage. The Ojibway people ground me, their stories entertain me, and mostly they remind me to fight for what I believe in. To never give up and to walk the red road. A road lined with tears and broken whiskey bottles, one that only Indians can tread upon. That is the road I chose. My Grandfather suffered and endured so that I could achieve the American dream. I owe it to my Grandfather to stand tall and help those around me reach that dream.

{Hearts} On 22

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I am so proud to be bringing you this feature every month. Hearts on 22 is well as you can guess very close to my heart. This is my way of helping you live the best life you can. I am a firm believer in living life with your heart wide open and taking care of yourself. You only have one body and one heart so please take care of it.

Heart Healthy Recipe of the Month:

for more heart healthy recipes please visit:
Morning Mojito
Dietitian’s tip:
The traditional mojito is created with a sweet syrup flavored with fresh lime juice and crushed fresh mint. This super-citrusy nonalcoholic version also includes orange and grapefruit juices.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Serves 6
Ingredients
1/2 cup dark honey
1/2 cup fresh lime juice
1/2 cup firmly packed fresh mint leaves
2 cups fresh grapefruit juice, chilled
2 cups fresh orange juice, chilled
2 teaspoons grated lime zest
1 lime, cut into 6 slices

Directions
In a small saucepan, combine the honey and lime juice. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Add the mint leaves and remove from the heat. Steep the honey mixture for 5 minutes, then pass the mixture through a fine-mesh sieve placed over a bowl, pressing down lightly on the leaves with the back of a wooden spoon. Refrigerate the syrup until cold.

In a large pitcher, combine the mint syrup, grapefruit and orange juices, and lime zest. Stir until the syrup is dissolved.

Pour into tall, chilled glasses and garnish each glass with a lime slice.

Heart Healthy Living Tip:

Warning Signs of Stroke

Women may report unique stroke symptoms:

•sudden face and limb pain
•sudden hiccups
•sudden nausea
•sudden general weakness
•sudden chest pain
•sudden shortness of breath
•sudden palpitations
Call 9-1-1 immediately if you have any of these symptoms
Every minute counts for stroke patients and acting F.A.S.T. can lead patients to the stroke treatments they desperately need. The most effective stroke treatments are only available if the stroke is recognized and diagnosed within the first three hours of the first symptoms. Actually, many Americans are not aware that stroke patients may not be eligible for stroke treatments if they arrive at the hospital after the three-hour window.

If you think someone may be having a stroke, act F.A.S.T. and do this simple test:
F—FACE: Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?

A—ARMS: Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?

S—SPEECH: Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Is their speech slurred or strange?

T—TIME: If you observe any of these signs, call 9-1-1 immediately.

For more information on heart health please visit http://www.mayoclinic.com and http://www.heart.org

{Biloxi} Ninjas Take Heart

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Below is the speech that I recently gave at a gala that was held at Harra’s New Orleans.

How many of you know what a Ninja is? I am not talking about the ones that throw kicks and chops. However I am speaking about the one that lies with in your soul. You know that little voice that takes over when you feel you cannot go on? That my friends is your ninja…….your inner ninja. It will never steer you wrong, it may cause you to veer and that veer is exactly where you needed to be.

In life we veer all over the place. Each decision we make is either based on our own will or what society thinks we should be come. In truth each one of us controls our destiny. No one is going to make the tough choices for you. You and only you can make those decisions.

Decisions are simple. Yet difficult to make. An attorney once told me “it all comes down to a judgment call. who is going to call it first.” I heard those words on a Friday night and made the decision to walk away from my marriage on a Sunday. I didn’t need a separation period or therapy. I knew it was over and that was that. That one all be it huge decision brought me to you. You see if I were still married I’d be sitting at home raising the kids and dogs. I wouldn’t be here talking to you today. Folks, this brings me to my next point.

If I had never of made that decision to switch my birth control I probably would still be in Minnesota and not here. That one decision lead me down a path of silent danger. I had no clue that back in December of 2008 that my birth control was going to almost take my life in 2009. If I had stuck to the patch my stroke probably wouldn’t have happened and yet the ring it seemed so promising. So I switched. I made that decision to switch, I took control of my own destiny. Right then and there my course had been set. Little did I know it was going to be one hell of a blunder.

That blunder occurred on October 22nd, 2009. It was the day I chose to live and not be a victim. I followed the doctors orders to a T. I wanted my old life back, God I longed for it. That was a wasted wish. I know now almost two years later that my old life isn’t coming back. The day I had my stroke, I lost a part of my self. I lost my trust in doctors, in drug companies, but mainly my zest for life. I didn’t want the new life that laid before me. I wanted the old care free AmandaJean back. That is what I wanted. I didn’t get that. However what I got that day was a lot better than my old care free life. I got the chance to live! That was the day my inner Ninja took over and gave me the strength I needed to survive.

Did you know that only 2 out of 5 survive a pulmonary embolism? If you ask me those are not very good odds. Every day thousands of Americans are walking around unaware that they have a clot. Most never notice the blood clot until it’s too late. All to often I hear stories of young people dying as a result of a blood clot. That is when I realized I am one lucky woman. You see the blood clot was blocking the main valve to my heart and I was seconds away from death. Yet, here I am. An I am reminded each day that three people had to die so I could live. Live a life filled with meaning. So I made the decision to educate the world about heart health, blood clots, and stroke. My story is changing lives and is giving a voice to a deadly cause.

I owe it to those three people to share our story and to speak the words of awareness. Words that they heard when it was too late. Warning signs that would have possibly saved them. I made that decision and this folks is what brought me to Harra’s New Orleans. Just always remember this: “When you have a blood clot or think you may have one every Fucking second counts.” Blood Clots are no laughing matter and they will change your life forever.

My life has changed in more ways than I could have every dreamed of. I know more about low vitamin K diets, blood thinners, and heart healthy life styles than I do about Twilight. I’ll tell you a little secret. I talk in my sleep. As in have real conversations in my sleep. My friends like to ask me things and one of their favorite this is to say _________ is a vitamin K free food right? Apparently I shout back a yes or a no depending on the food type. So you see folks I could do this in my sleep and that is what I call passion.

Passion is what drives me and helps me get through the “why me and what if moments of life.” There are days where I want to drop the ball and just be a normal 28-year-old woman. That is something that will never be. In those moments a tiny voice says “You can do it. We’ve got this. Lets get up and go.” That voice is my inner ninja and when I listen to her my heart busts wide open. Wide open with passion and light that allows me to change the world.

Each of you have a ninja deep inside of you. In moments of doubt stay quiet, listen to that tiny voice, and let the ninja take over. Take over when you don’t think you can go on and make decisions that come from the heart. The best decisions are always based on the heart. The mind knows what it wants, however your heart always knows what you need.

You only have one heart in this life and without our hearts we are shells walking this earth. So please I urge you to take care of your heart and live a heart healthy life style. You owe it to yourself and to your families to take care of your hearts.