Category Archives: dating

{Charlie} A Little Hope

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Lately I have spent a lot of time alone and dared to let my mind wonder why. Tears fall silently into the Muppet’s fur and then there are moments where I burst out in laughter for no reason. Life isn’t suppose to be this way. We are supposed to fall in love, have babies, and grow old together. For the first time in years I let myself feel and believed in something called love. I held out hope that it would turn out all right and trusted the fact that he would never be like my ex husband.

Charlie knew I was broken and that he was taking on more scars than one soul could handle. Yet he would shoot me a smirk and take my hand during the moments of doubt. He called me late at night to tell me “Hey beautiful, just wanted to remind you that you are amazing. Don’t forget that.” Sometimes he would tell my voicemail a story or just talk about his day. Knowing full well that the voice mail symbol would bring a smile to me in the morning. He had faith in me and allowed me to just be. Charlie didn’t try to heal my scars, or swaddle my fears, he just simply let me be. Why others tried to give me answers, he gave me hope. Hope replaced my fears and allowed me to dream again. Dream of a place where love lived.

Late nights were spent with board games and conversation. Charlie never asked me about my failed marriage, my stroke, or my son. He told me once “I don’t need to pry. I have faith that when you’re ready you will tell me everything.” Those moments came and the man was left in awe. Bit by bit I revealed myself to him and under the brightness of the sun my secrets became exposed. I stood there before him with nothing more than my soul, vulnerable, and afraid. He just threw his arms around me and said “Babe all we need is a little hope and we’ll be all right.”

Charlie was full of hope. Hope for our future and that our lives would be more than perfect. It’s funny how one persons inability to move their car from the freeway brought that hope crashing down. Charlie’s death will remain fresh as I shake my head and wonder “Why?” I can live with the fact that it was an accident. However I can’t live with the notion that it was preventable. Had they taken the extra steps no one would have had to die that day. Charlie didn’t die alone, that one accident claimed the lives of five people. Five beautiful people that mattered to someone out there. I hold out a tiny shred of hope that the Judge will make those two idiots pay for their mistake. Rest assured I will be sitting in the courtroom on the day the sentence is handed down.

Hope is what gets me through the hard moments and allows me to dream. Charlie would want me to have a little hope and to believe in a better day. A day where the pain fades and all of this will make sense. I didn’t get to grow old with him, yet I got to spend 16 of the greatest months of my life with him. In the end that’s all that matters. That for 16 incredible months our friendship grew into love, and that love allowed us to have a little hope for a beautiful future.

{Charlie} I Never Got to Say I do. Instead I Got to Say Goodbye.

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In the weeks after Charlie’s death close friends and family started to ask: “Were you and Charlie more than friends?” The truth of the matter is yes. Yes Charlie and I were more than friends. For a short while my life fell into place and I was happy. Charlie would tell me “AJ I am going to make an honest woman out of you.” I would just look at him and giggle. Hearing him say that made me feel like we were living in some sort of sin or even doing something illegal. It was his way of saying ” I am going to marry you babes.” Weddings were something we talked about often. I told him that I was going to do it my way this time around. That I wanted a gown with a vintage feel, pie instead of cake, and a dance that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. Charlie said that sounded beautiful.

In October the beauty began to fad. I was spending more nights at the firm than with Charlie. Charlie was always out-of-town on business, so the nights he was here were special. I traded those special moments for a cube and a job that would never amount to anything. A week before Thanks Giving Charlie gave me a small pot of gold. Looking at him confused I asked “What the heck is this?” He said to me “AJ you are the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. You mean everything to me and with out you my life has no meaning. You make me feel, believe, and you love have taught me how to live. An I, I can’t live without you.” Tears started to flow, I threw my arms around him, and whispered I love you into his ear. Those were the sweetest words I have ever heard and my heart melted into the floor. In that moment I was his and nothing else mattered in this world.

Yet, work still mattered more than Charlie. Charlie could see I was giving my job my all and watched the passion seep out of my personal life. I often felt like a hamster running in a wheel and went through the motions. One morning Charlie asked me to look at the sunrise. That morning I was too sick to look at the sunrise. I could barely move, yet I mustered the strength to throw a dress on and head into work. That night he brought me to the ER and that’s when we got the news that my kidneys were going hay wire. That I had basically worked myself into the ground and needed a break. I never took a break. I worked through the pain, the nausea, and pretend like everything was fine. On the inside I was a mess. Charlie and I got into a huge fight. He was tired of me putting the firm first and my health second. Charlie decided to walk away that night. He told me “Give me a call when you find yourself again.”

A two solid weeks went by without word from him. I figured he had walked away from me for good. That is until one night I had a knock on my door, on the other side stood a teary eyed Charlie. I threw my arms around him and whispered “I do” into his ear. He held me tight and began sobbing on my shoulder. Charlie had decided to put NYC behind him and make a life in Minneapolis. He got a job at one of the downtown firms and was ready to make an honest woman out of me. The next day when I woke up from a nap I felt something on my finger. Looking up Charlie was beaming as he sat on his coffee table. He could barely contain himself he asked me “why do you have a ring on your finger?” What are you talking about I said. I looked down and there it was a pink and yellow diamond engagement ring. Charlie got down on one knee and asked “AJ will you be my wife?” Sobbing and grinning I managed to eek out a yes. That night melted into weeks of bliss. The dominos of my life were lined up across the floor like little soldiers. I had the job I always wanted, a man who stood beside me, and I was on the way to getting better. Funny how life swaddled us into a calm and quenches our fears with love. With one small breath, my dominos fell to the floor.

On Valentine’s day Charlie was in a terrible car accident and he would never wake up. Charlie passed away a few days later. I never got to say I do instead I got to say goodbye. I sat there in the church rubbing the ring on my left hand. Part of me hoped if I rubbed hard enough a genie would pop out and I’d get to wish Charlie back. It was wishful thinking, yet I held out hope that this was a dream. My dream was a nightmare and all I wanted was Charlie to tell me it was going to be ok. I have faith that he is still with me and that he will always be with me. There are moments when I burst out in laughter for no reason or at suddle reminders of Charlie. A recipe, TV show, and so many other things bring the memories flooding in. I enjoy the flood and sometimes cry into my pillow at night. Cry because I reach out and the only thing I feel is the muppets furry little head. I long to have him laying next to me and to have him whisper his plans for our future into my ear. Sometimes when I wake up from a nap I squint my eyes in hopes that I’ll see Charlie watching me sleep. I never do, yet when I listen to my heart I hear his voice.

Honor is something he would adore. Charlie always wanted to have a little girl. I don’t blame him he grew up in a family of six boys. He told me once “if we have a boy I am going to send him back. I only want a daughter and we are going to name her Charlotte Rae.” I would tease him and let him know that I didn’t like that name. In truth I adored the name Charlotte and loved the fact that he wanted to name our daughter after himself. So that is how I am going to honor the man I cherished, one day a little girl name Charlotte Rae will walk this earth. An I know that Charlie will be smiling down on her from heaven.

{Divorce} Learning That I Matter

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Divorce taught me that I have the right to be picky and not to jump at the first man that walks through the door. It taught me that I matter and that some day I will find a man who realizes that I am worth it. I learned to hold out and not to give in just because someone calls me beautiful. Words speak softly, actions shout I love you to the world. I want a man who speaks with his actions and whispers to my heart.

My mind speaks softly on nights that are a little to lonely. I still hear the ex-husbands voice in my head when my pants feel a little to tight and when my hair doesn’t look just right. He’d say “those don’t look good on you. God you’re getting fat. Or I like your hair straight.” Tears softly fall to the floor when those thoughts roll in. They are a constant reminder of my past. Strength I portray it well, however inside every strong woman is a broken little girl. He never did like my curly hair nor did he like the fact that I chose to wear glasses over contacts. Its simple straightening my hair takes forever and well contacts make my eyes itch. In truth I love the curly mess that sits a top of my head and glasses set me apart from the rest.

I’ve taken one hundred steps forward since I left my ex. He loved to tell me that I would never make it on my own. I realize now that he was the only thing holding me back and keeping me from leading an incredible life. A life that I deserve to live. Chucking him out of the picture was the right choice and now everything is falling into place. My career I love it, the dog he’s the best, we call the UpTown Projects home, and hey all of my bills are paid. So I think I am doing all right. The only thing that’s missing is a man.

I’d like to believe that we need to walk this earth alone in order to find our best selves. For the longest time I was standing in a fog muddling my way through and now I am standing in the sun. Blinded by a future so bright that my heart is beaming. Finding myself was an incredible journey and its funny Mr right was standing there all along. Holding my hand, listening to me complain, and shouting Go Ninja Go. Things are so looking up for this girl and I couldn’t be happier. Finally I matter to someone and know that I am worth every breath I take.

{LOVE} Everyone Wants It

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A very dear friend of my proclaimed this morning that she is giving up on love. She said this after subjecting herself to an evening of sappy movies. No good comes from a single girl watching sappy movies. Had I known she was doing such an act I would have stopped her and told her to watch something funny. However her giving up on love made me think.

Think about the time I proclaimed that I was giving up on love. So many of us are single and for most of us it is not by choice. This is just how we ended up. Some of us are so driven by our careers that we can’t fit in or let alone think about another person. Or maybe you’re a single parent with a one track mind and push your needs a side for the success of your child. Either way we are the only obstacles that stand in the way of ourselves finding love. Love is out there.

It’s out there all right. We dream of it, long for it, and search the ends of the earth until we find it. Sometimes love falls into our lap, bellies up to the bar, or even ends up in our in box. The moment you give up on love you lose hope. Hope is what keeps us a float during the hard times and allows us to dance our pants off during the good times. Hope is what allows our hearts to burst wide open. When your heart burst then you my dear have the ability to give and receive love.

So this is for the singles out there. I know it sucks cooking for one, sleeping alone, and always answering the “Why are you single” question. Have hope that one day the “Why are you single” question will fall to the floor because the one you waited for is by your side. Hope that you will be a plus one, that you will be able to buy those cool dinners for two in a bag, and have someone to snuggle on cold nights. Mr or Miss Right is out there, in time you will find what you’re looking for. Be patient and enjoy the single life. Because one day you’ll look back and realize that being single wasn’t so bad.

{29} Happy Birthday!

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Me and My Mama at my Birthday Lunch


Wow I can’t believe that I am one year closer to 30. I guess when you have all ready been through a life time of shit it means everything is down hill from here. I may only be 29, however I have lived a life that dreams are made of. Sorrow reminds me that I am human. Each night I ask God to keep my son Alucious close and to make sure Nylan turns out all right. I’ve been a wife, a mother, a best friend, a sister, a paralegal, an advocate, a lobbyist, and now I get to be an auntie to Sophia.

Survivor is a label I wear proudly. I tirelessly advocate for heart health, stroke symptom awareness, and healthy kids. There is one thing I’ve learned : I would trade all of my money in a heart beat if it meant I could have my health back. Money can buy me things that will make me happy. However it cannot buy my health. Wealth is no fun when you do not have health on your side. So take it from me. Take care of yourself. You only have one body, one heart, and in the end money will mean nothing. But your health will mean everything.

I’ve struggled with the fact that my health will never be the same and that this is the body I have to grow old with. My body has brought me to some pretty darn amazing places over the past year. It has brought me to DC, the gulf coast, NYC, and countless other locations. It has allowed me to share my story and save lives. Life is the ultimate gift and I am so very glad God has granted me with one more year upon this earth.

It is my hope that the next year is filled with goodness and big amazing things. If I dare to dream then I can dare live a big meaningful life. People try to knock me down, rip my reputation apart, and spread the words of incapable across the firm. That alone gives me strength to prove that I am 1. a bigger person, 2. a professional, and 3. I will out shine the {redacted}. I have something he will never have and that is class. One can’t lie their way into class. They can only fumble when their lies start to unravel and unravel they will. I may not be there to see it. Yet I will smile silently at his blunder and step over him on my way to the top. The only place I am going is up.

Up. Thats where I am headed. I’ve got two jobs that I love. One requires more effort than the other. A speaking schedule that can’t be beat, a book deal on the table, and well my lawyer tells me we are winning. I’d say that’s some pretty darn awesome sauce. Not to mention this here blog isn’t doing to shabby either. People like to read about my antics, dating blunders, cry with me, and say fuck it. I swear online as I swear in real life. I am nothing but myself and I am human. Humans swear and they like it too!

Fuck it. I am in a relationship with myself. I have no time for dating. I want to but I have no life outside of work. It’s bad my friends have to remind me that we have dinner dates and nights of ninja antics. My goal for year 29 is to work a little less and have what you regular folks call a social life. A social life sounds interesting and wow taking trips for fun sounds like a gosh darn good plan. Who knows maybe there is a man out there who is brave enough to step into my world and take me on. I’m not holding my breath. Thats why I have the muppet to keep me company.

So Ninjas a toast! Goodbye 28 and Hello 29. May year 29 be filled with good friends, endless opportunity, laughter, adventure, and mostly love. Thank you so much for being a part of my life. Each and every one of you means the world to me. Know that I care about you and love you more than you will ever know. Ninjas for ever. May we go down kung fu fighting!

{Mr Right} Are You Out There…….?

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It seems that every thing is coming together. I have a career that I love, a dog that makes me giggle, and amazing friends. However when the clock turns 5 I rush out to meet with a client, to beat a deadline, and mostly I head home alone.

There is no voice to great me when I walk through the door and no one to ask me about my day. Just the muppet like dog stands before me. Eagerly awaiting me to grab his leash and lay a treat before him. I love my dog, however there are days when I long to hear a human voice instead of the gruffs of a muppet. Days where I remember what it was like to have a child to come home to and a husband that some what cared to see me walk through the door. Those are the days I miss.

I miss the nights laying awaking just talking about our day and giggling about the silliness of life. Sleeping in and snuggling close during football games on Sundays. Having someone bring me flowers and knowing full well that roses are not my thing. That knew me to my core and understood where I had come from. Some might say my ex husband never really knew me. Then again that question still remains unanswered.

One thing I do know is……I know what I want this time. I am only getting divorced once in this life. Then again my marriage didn’t fail me, my ex husband did. He is the one who failed me and broke my dream. He tried to fix it but it was too late and soon both of us joined the sea of divorce. No one goes into marriage thinking it will end. No one ever does.

This time around I am taking my time. Sure there have been a few men over the past year or so. The architect, the IRS Man, and a certain attorney are all just a memory now. Each one taught me how to love, believe and have faith in another person again. That is something I forgot how to do. Lately I have been taking forever to make decisions. Often opportunities and really great apartments have slipped through my fingers. Love is something that doesn’t slip, it is something that grows on you.

Growing is something I need to do. More like I need to blossom, throw myself out there and believe in the search. Part of me is a little jaded and more protective of my life. After all I built it from nothing. Maybe I am afraid that someone is going to stomp on it again and take the joy away from me. That is something I will fight like hell for this time. I am not giving up my crazy life for anything. I plan on fitting someone into my crazy life and make something grow. Grow it into a beautiful life. A life where two people come together and reveling in the craziness.

Call me crazy but this time around. I want someone who knows that Frank Lloyd Wright did not build the house on the rock. One who knows that Falling Water should not be confused with an actual water fall. A man who is not afraid to explore third world countries. Takes his shoes off and dance in low tide looking for star fish. Someone who understands what it means to make a difference and never turns his back on someone who needs their help. Laughter is a must and so are tears. Because we cannot stand in the sun until we have danced in the rain. The rain is what makes us who we are.

Faith is something I have. I have faith that singledom is not where I belong. It is only a stage until I figure out where I am going. For now it is where I reside until that moment Mr Right walks in and says “Hi, how are you?” That moment is a moment I patiently long for.

Table For One

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Tonight while having dinner alone at The News Room I over heard a woman say to her husband “Oh that poor thing her date must have stood her up.” It took everything I had in me not to go over and whisper in her ear “I am eating alone on purpose.” I decided to play nice and went about my typing and current google chat. This is my normal dinner alone or actually doing most things on my own. My muppet like dog can’t go everywhere with me, thus I dine alone.

As I gazed across the restaurant I quickly noticed that I was the only one sitting alone. Tucked back into my usual corner. The staff they know me and my drink of choice by name. They call this corner AJ’s usual spot and act alarmed when it’s not available. Maybe one day I will share my little tucked away corner with someone. Today, I am fine with just myself and netbook. From here I watch first dates unravel, fights happen, and look at couples whose flame long ago extinguished. In truth I feel for each one of them. I know what its like to have the first date gitters, feeling the calm in a familiar smile, and looking into someone’s eyes and thinking “where did I go wrong?”

Those are all feelings in a relationship. In most the gitters melt into a familiar calm and from that calm a relationship blossoms. Blossoms are something I am short of these days. It seems that Google has done me in and turned most of the potential away. I often forget that when I am googled my twitter, Facebook, and this very blog appears. Have Bear Will Travel has become a weeder of sorts. Weeding out the ones who are too afraid to dance and keeping the hope alive in the ones who dare to look beyond the blog.

For the ones who dare to look beyond the blog realize that I am online as I am in real life. I hide nothing and am to honest for my own good. This is probably why I end up being friends with the men I date. In me they find comfort knowing ‘hey she’s been through a lot of shit and came out standing.” I am reminded that I cannot revel in the sun unless I walk through the crap. They go hand in hand.

Hand in hand is where I’d like to find myself one day. One can’t be a ninja without a trusty sidekick. Gumby had Pokie, Batman with Robin, and well the Ninja Turtles had each other. I’m not asking for a 10, a 9 or 8 will do just fine. Life isn’t about looks or what you have. It’s about living with passion and letting your heart burst wide open. It’s ok to feel nervous and to be hurt. These feelings of hurt and nerves remind us that we are human. They allow us to live without question and to feel for others. When you can relate to someone and understand their pain, then you my friend have truly lived.

These are the things I contemplate when I dine alone. Of what would I do when Mr Perfect is sitting across from me. Would he put up with my busy paralegal day job and crazy lobbyist night job. Would he have the same passion towards sustainable agriculture, the law, NINJAS, and the charities I advocate for. Would he lay with me on the floor of Trinity temple and bask in Frank Lloyd Wrights wonderous creation? Would he skip through the streets of Paris and marvel at the relics of egypt with me? Questions, I wonders, and what ifs swirl in my head as I take a sip of my wine. The only way I know of solving my quandaries is by chucking myself out there and looking for my 9 or 8, because well a 10 simply won’t do. 10’s are too full of themselves. I am not for the 10s, so bring on the 9s and 8s.

Mainly I just need a 9 or an 8 who understands that even thou I have gone through some tough shit it does not define my future. True I am a pulmonary embolism survivor and a young divorcee. For some reason DIVORCE is a turn off to men. I always say if you really knew about my marriage, you’d understand why I walked away. Just because I am a divorcee does not mean I am undatable. Hell I forget I have an ex husband half the time and even I find it weird uttering the worlds “Yea I am divorced.” Divorce happens we move on from it and get even on Tuesdays.

I am normal. Bags yea I’ve got a few and yup I am a ninja to my core. So maybe the next time you see a young woman sitting alone don’t assume she was stood up. Assume that she is dining alone by choice and writing an article that will change the world. Maybe one day she will have someone who understands her entire being sitting across from her and she will smile. For now she smiles as her friends and giggles out loud at her google chat dreaming of the what ifs. I like options and what ifs, they give me hope.

{Judgement} – Open The Book For Once!

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“Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover. It’s The Story Inside That Counts.”

We live in a day and age where people continue to pass judgement upon one another. You think by now we would have all of our social issues worked out and that we wouldn’t need to treat people like crap. Yet as a society we do.

This didn’t dawn on me until a friend said to me: “AmandaJean you are the first woman to actually treat me like I exist. You don’t look at my weight. You see me as a person.” I lost my kung fu right there on the floor and uttered Shut the front door kid! He went on to explain that he has never had a real girl friend or even a real date. That most of the dates he went on were awkward or out of pity. Pitty is not a reason to date someone. Tears began to fill my eyes. This man is a great catch and deserves to find happiness. He truly deserves to find the one, make those babies, and have the picket fence. I want this for him.

It angers me that people look down upon the overweight. They are people too. Hell when I was in Europe the cathedrals were filled with frescos of women who had back fat and gasp curves. It was in the cathedrals that I personally became ok with having hips and tits. My hips and tits get me lots of places in this world and I am glad to have them on board. Sure I go huff it at the gym just like everyone else and eat mostly organic. But, do we ever stop to think that some people are just built with a smidge of extra love.

Recently a woman was working out next to me. She said to me: ” I want to look like you. You are so skinny.” Trust me, my ass isn’t skinny. I’ve got junk in the trunk and I am ok with it. I quickly said thank you. Took her hand and said “I don’t even know your name, but Babes you are beautiful just the way you are. Do not let anyone tell you any different.” She cried right then and there in the middle of LifeTime fitness. She told me: “No one has ever made me feel so beautiful until now. Thank you, Thank you.” An you can all guess what I said next…..oh yes I pulled the NINJA CARD and she giggled her socks off. Now I’ve got a new friend at lifetime and she is a sweetie that’s for sure. It should be known that I will workout and then treat myself after said workout with a cup cake. Thats how I roll.

Rolling is something we as humans need to do. You’ve gotta roll with the punches and duck from the kicks. Instead of beating one another down, maybe we should try the opposite. Like on Tuesdays we should be nice to each other or hell let’s be nice to each other every day. Yup, I like that idea lets lift each other up every day of the week. Throw back fat, curves, and shit our hips to the side and party like were skinny bitches. Heh, then again the skinny ones are not so fun. I am going with the ones who eat cup cakes after running on a treadmill, those are the real ninjas.

For me Ninjas come in all shapes, sizes, colors, creeds, and gender. Growing up my parents taught us and pounded into us that judgment and hate are bad bad words. Still to this day if I say “Pete I hate the treadmill.” My dad will tell me “Mannie you do not hate, you “dislike” the treadmill. Hate is a sickness and you are not sick.” My father thou a little nutty in his own right is on to something. We are not born to hate and be mean. Hate and meanness are learned traits. Someone had to teach you how to be mean and to hate. Maybe if we stopped the teachers of hate and discrimination our world would be a little brighter.

That is my new goal to stop the hate and get people to really look at one another. To actually see what its like to live in their shoes and to look beyond the flesh that holds the soul. The soul holds the answers, the body is just the vessel that holds it in.

Blind Date………..Oh My!

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As you know I choose to keep my personal life off of the blog. However sometimes its to good/funny or just a darn right blunder not to share. Hence I am breaking my own rule. I make the rules around here, so I can break them if I want too.

I have been single for a full year now. Strange I know. It’s actually the longest I have gone without being in a relationship since I was 20. My what 8 years can do to a girl. I have no problem being single. Well that is unless I am trying to reach something up high or have news to share then I mind it a tad. Only a tad thou. I’ve dabbled in dating on my own and have been chucked into it by friends.

Friends always have a business card, a friend, or a coworker to put in front of me. I’ve gone to parties where they are like “Hey you have to come. I invited so and so and he’s single.” I go and both of us just feel duped.

Duped is what happened a week ago. I was minding my own business going merrily on my way. When the phone rang and of course it was someone trying to set me up with someone. Sweetly I declined, my decline wasn’t accepted and I got guilted into going to dinner. He was my type, nerdy, a little quirky, educated (that’s always a plus), and short. Short doesn’t do me any good when I am trying to reach things up high. But, somehow I always end up with the short ones. Height doesn’t matter to me, it’s the person who counts. (Remember that ladies)

Drinks went well and then he blurts out “I googled you, I found your blog.” OK. I said. He just looked at me strangely. Then again he gave me the square eye every time I used the words/phrases “Epic, Ninja, Kung Fu, Shut the front door, and Fail Whale.” Come one now, that’s common lingo in my world, and I am not going to change. After the square eyes were glanced he picked apart my twitter feed and my blog.

In his words “I could never date a woman who puts herself out there. You, you are to out spoken for me. You dear are a little to independent for me. An quite frankly I don’t want to end up on your blog.” I looked him in the eye and said “I think I am going to get my check. You are not worth my time. I’m sorry but it’s not 1950 something anymore. Women are allowed to be out spoken, independent, and darn right awesome!”

This is a problem I run into often. For me I don’t need to cling to a mans every word nor do I need to hear from them 24/7. If you like me, you like me. I get it. For me there needs to be “AmandaJean time” and then “us time.” Sometimes us time may occur a few times a week or hey, it may take a month for my schedule to calm down before I can see you again. I often tell people “I am like a plant. Take me out, check on me, and I am fine.” So what is it with men and why do they want co-dependant women? Ugh. Like I’ve said before men need to come with manuals. Manuals, we need man manuals. You think men would have invented this by now.

With or without a manual, I still have faith that Mr right is out there somewhere. A man who will giggle at the very sound of “Epic, Ninja, Kung Fu, Shut the front door, and Fail Whale.” Of course I will provide him with an AmandaJean’s words/phrases decoder book so he can understand the lingo. I might even hand him a plant as a reminder, that I am like a plant. With a little sun and care the relationship will grow. Grow into something epic and beautiful. Yup, that’s what I want. A relationship that grows like a plant.

For now I am ignoring blind date requests and outside help. The only person that knows what I want is me. An I am going to find my plant like relationship on my own. Bring on the plants!

Relationship Advice From The Divorced Girl?

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It amazes me when friends call late at night looking for a kind ear and solid relationship advice. Heck, if I were you I’d be the last person I’d come to for advice. Then again I am known for my blunt, no bull shit, straight from the heart, and tell you like it is advice. You will never get sugar-coating from me.

One thing I can not stand are liars and people who are so fake they make a snake look cool. Be yourself and you can never go wrong. Don’t lie to get someone to like you or to make people think you are better than what you are. Lies start to unravel after a while and you will find yourself drowning alone. An no one wants to be alone. No one likes a person who walks around in a suit when they don’t have to. Maybe that suit makes you feel important, gives you a sense of worth, and protects your secrets from the world. At the end of the day your suit has to come off and the holes in your shoes will collect water. No one likes wet socks, not even me.

Socks are something you should never lose on a first date. It’s ok to giggle your socks off, but never leave them behind. Maybe I am a tad old-fashioned or just a little jaded by my divorce. All to often my male friends call me and say she broke up with me. I kindly ask why knowing full well its 3am and I have to be awake in 2 hours. They tell me what went wrong and usually it ends up with they lost their socks and she walked away. I say hold on to your socks until you build something you can stand on. Then again I didn’t heed my own advice and found myself divorced 6 years later.

Divorce is something I never want to see any of you go through. Trust me no one ever plans on it. People change, things change, and divorce is the only way out. I have seen divorced women who flaunt it like their Mama’s told them not to do and then there are those who cry into their tissues.The same goes for women who are fresh out of a break up. They like divorced women build these walls and start to date like men. Men are an interesting creature. One of these days we will be provided with manuals to figure them out.

Most of my male friends are single. They are the type of man who worked hard to build a career, bought homes/condos, and are over all great catches. Yet their still single. I will point out that most of them are under 5’10”. They are short and for some reason women will not give them the time of day. There is nothing wrong with short men. I tend to date on the shorter side, I don’t try to it just turns out that way. Ladies give the short ones a chance, you will be surprised. Just look past the fact that neither of you will be able to reach things up high and you will be fine.

On the other side of the coin alot of my female friends are young professionals or single mamas. I am the only divorced one in the pack. They often tell me its hard to find a man to put up with their independent crazy work schedule life style. I tell them date up not down. If you date down that person may not understand your schedule and lifestyle. Date someone who can fit into your life and someone who will want to work with you to make those dates. Someone who understands that yup, you may cancel plans last-minute but, you will make up for it later. Heck, he might have to cancel plans and send you flowers the next day to put a smile on your face. Date the person you can’t live without, who cares if he doesn’t fit the mental image of prince charming. Every man deserves a chance to be with a professional woman like you. Go out and make someones day. It doesn’t hurt to grab a drink and have a conversation for a few hours.

Drinks lead to interesting conversations. Yes, I have been drunk dialed by friends and had my door knocked on at 3 am when dates go a rye. Turning them away is not an option. I am not that type of person. I sit with them hand tissue over or utter the words “Its going to get batter. You are an Awesome Ninja. Mr/Ms Right is just hiding on you.” A smile usually breaks when the word Ninja is used and that smile leads to a giggle. Giggles let us know that we are going to be all right and that hey its all part of the game.

So my advice is dust off your dating shoes and try, try, try until something sticks. You are never going to find love if you hide in your office all day. Cruise the streets look for eye candy, talk to a stranger, and be yourself. Invite that coworker you’ve been eyeing to happy hour, ask the barista to dinner, and answer an online ad. So what if they shoot you down. It just means they weren’t worth your time to begin with. So Ninjas what are you going to do? You my friends are going to go get your date on.