It’s funny how life goes and how we realize the importance of 9 degrees of separation. The other day I was talking with a friend and he was telling me about this girl who turns out I knew two people that knew her. An well that was drama all on it’s own. I was given one side of the story and was told that this girl was crazy. Well maybe she is or maybe she’s not. I have never met her so I am not one to judge. So I heard two sides to this story, two different perspectives on who this woman is. So instead of making a decision based on their opinions I took to the web and read her blog.
An from her blog she sounds like a strong and amazing single mother. If I met her I would probably like her, which would not sit well with one of my friends. But that’s life you can’t please everyone or listen to everything you hear. You have to form your own opinions about people and well for me, I like this girl.

Nylan,
Right now you don’t understand why I left you and your dad. I can just hope that some day your dad tells you the truth and that you can lean from his mistakes. Just know that I stayed married to your dad because of you. I gave it my all, I did everything I could to make it work, because I wanted you to have a home and a family.
I loved you from the moment I saw you and knew that I was brought into this world to raise you as my own. I did everything that a mother should do, even you said yourself that I was more of a mom to you than your real mom. I love you and will always love me with all of my heart.
I kept the sinking ship going so that you could have a home, a place to call your own, and a family that loved you. I am sorry that you saw us fight, that you saw my tears, but just know that you were my only source of joy I had. I would count Down the days until your next visit, longed for summer to come. Your face would light up with joy, your eyes filled with wonder, as you explored the world around you. We baked, we played, we shopped, we explored, these are the happy times I will always remember. I just hope that when you are old you will find comfort in the memories I helped you build.
Your dad doesn’t want me to see you again, if I could I would, you were my life, my beautiful boy, you were my life, being a mother defined me. I just thank god that I got to be apart of it, though our time together was short, know that you were not the reason I walked away, it was easy to walk away from your dad, but it hurt like hell to walk away from you.
Nylan I love you today, tomorrow, and always. May God treat you king, and bring you everything you deserve in this world!
Love
Nannie

This past Sunday my life changed forever. It changed so quickly and was a complete surprise to those outside of my close circle. I decided to leave my husband, I was no longer happy in my marriage, it was time to cash in my chips.
I am a lady and a lady always knows when to leave. There was nothing left to work on, I had nothing left to give, I was empty and broken down. In October he had done somethings I didn’t think I could forgive and I had finally found the strength to move on.

So I started to put those big girl pants on, yet fate would prove that we weren’t done yet. , life threw me a curve ball, I ended up sicker than we thought, I almost died. One would think that seeing your wife in a terrible life and death situation would change you. But it did’t, a whole three weeks went by until he was back on crags list looking for someone to fuck. In December he decided that we should try for a baby.
I asked him are you going to stop fucking other women? No he said, I can get you pregnant and still sleep with other women. Just tell me when you are ovulating and I’ll make sure to be with just you then. What the fuck I thought, we tried and tried with no luck, I was frustrated and sad, he blamed me for not getting pregnant. Told me I wasn’t doing everything I could to make it happen. Hello, you can’t rush nature.
So low and behold one day in April we found out we were pregnant. I was excited and sad, my body wanted to leave, but my heart wanted me to give it one last shot for the sake of our child. My pregnancy wasn’t easy by any means. An during this time Scott started in on his favorite subject…………..MY WEIGHT………..yup he was afraid that I was going to get huge during my pregnancy and that I wouldn’t loose the weight and become whale. I am not skinny by any means, I am a curvy girl. Yes, I started to show right away, not to mention my stomach was swelling from the blood thinners I was injecting into it.
The Friday before mothers day Scott was nit picking about how I looked, that I needed to go to the gym, eat less and so on. In his mind I only needed to gain about 10 lbs during my pregnancy. I asked him to leave me alone, he didn’t, told me that I never wanted to talk about my weight. Again I told him leave me alone, I am tired, let’s talk a about this later. He still would give it up, and he poked and poked until I said the only thing I will ever regret in life……..
I turned looked at him and said “I wish to God that I wasn’t pregnant right now! Because if I wasn’t I’d be going to the gym loosing weight, eating less, and getting skinny for you. An you would be happy!”
Little did we know that four days later that very statement would come true. I pray to god that if I could I would take that statement back, there in was alone in a room looking at my babies lifeless little body on a screen, my mind drifted back to Friday, I just prayed with all my might that a flicker would show. It didn’t, an I blamed myself for the loss of my child. What kind of mother would wish that upon their child? I was a terrible mom, wife and person for saying that.
Scott was in Las Vegas when I found out our baby died, he refused to fly home, to selfish and hurt to face the truth. But I wanted to escape, to avoid, to make a b line, but I couldn’t because I was the one carrying our child. He never really understood what I went through, he came home when it was all said and done. He expected me to bounce back, to stick our child in the past and move on. I did the best that I could, tried to think of our future and the road that lay ahead. He told me we would take a break from women, again that break last less than a month, an he was back at it again. He never really understood how broken and hurt I was.
We were never meant to be, I didn’t want to bring another child in to this mess. I was tired of not being good enough for him. Tired of not being the only woman for him, tired of my needs, wants and dreams getting shoved to the bottom of the pile. I had lost me, I’d look in the mirror and would see a giant ugly whale looking back at me. I had enough, need an escape, a break, a life of my own. So that is what I did.
I put my big girl pants on and walked away from a no win situation, from man that was never going to change, who I had nothing in common with. Scott and I were like day and night, to ships passing in the night. Oil and water don’t mix, so I took water out and left.
I am happy and glad that I did, I finally did something for myself, it hurts, but I know the pain will fade and I will become a stronger woman because of it.

Needless to say 2010 isn’t turning out to be the greatest year of my life. Its actually been the crazies, most unluckiest year that I can ever recall. Things started out fine, until one day on my way into work some lady rear ended the poor prius. then a few weeks later my car got broken into while I was walking around lake callhoun. That was a mess in its self, luckily they only charged about $175 on my credit cards. Then about a month after that we found out that we had lossed the baby. I thought little bears passing had to be the end of this crazy unlucky, black cloud of doom shit thats been hanging over my head. Nope one unlucky Wednesday morning I rear ended a car, I put a very nice dent into my drivers side too.
So as you can read the hits keep on coming. I’ll admit this whole year hasn’t been terribly bad I have meet some nice people along the way.
It is only June and well I’ve got six more months to go, I pray to god that this bad unlucky business comes to an end very soon!

Wow life has been crazy for me. This blog seems to have fallen to the way side. Any ways like I said it s been crazy around here. It funny how no one tells you that being a career woman and a mom will make you life amazing and crazy.
An I’m just about to add more craziness to the pile. So not only will I be a power career woman of a mother and a wife, we will be adding Full time student to the list. That’s right you guessed it, the husband and I decided it was the right time for me to go to law school or get a masters degree. I will apply to both Hamline and the U of M masters degree of social work program. Yea it’s to completely different programs and career paths. I like to have options, an well will see which one I choose.
For a while I thought that loosing little bear was the end of the world and that life would never be the same again. But instead it’s looking up and i am being presented with new oportunites and im realizing that little bear left us to show us that we can survive and be happy again.

The next few posts will play catch up with what the bears have been up to over the past few months:)

Hmm as we locals call it MOA AKA the Mall of America. I rarely go out there because it’s so busy and there are way to many people filming their shopping day. I just don’t want to end up on some ones vacation video. With that being said it was cold outside and well I wanted to do something with my sister so we sucked it up and headed over to the largest tourist trap in MN.

I have never seen it so busy, all the parking ramps were closed off  because they were full and well all the lots around the mall were too. I had to park the Prius in the over flow lot next to Ikea, you know the one you never park in because to many cars have been broken into at that lot. Yup we left the Prius in that lot and fought our way around the way to packed hallways of  MOA.

They have added a lot of new stores to the mall, a lot of them are higher end like Burberry, Coach, and have up dated the old stand buys. One of my new favorite stores is Lush.

Lush sells hand-made organic bath products from bubble bars that smell like heaven, to jelly shower gel, to bath bombs and massage bars. It smells so good in that store and you can’t walk out without buying something.

I walked out of there with two bubble bars and two bath bombs.

For bubble bars I bought Karma and the new Valentines Bubble bar that was shaped like a mushroom.  For bath bombs I got Sex bomb and the X factor. They all smell amazing and I have a feeling that I have a few baths in my future.

So from Lush we walked the halls wondering around to see what was new.

I snapped a few photos as we walked around, again the mall was busy so we could hardly move around or walk next to each other.

We shopped around for a while and decided to head back home, finding the Prius was another adventure, as it was tucked away in the very last row of the over flow lot.

I didn’t have anything to do last Saturday but get the oil changed in the Prius and I had some free tickets to the Healthy life expo. Once Sherri and I arrived at the Minneapolis Events and Convention center we noticed signs for The Womans Expo and thought that it would be cooler than the Healthy Life expo. So we went a head and bought tickets. They had all sorts of things to buy, try, and seminars for women.

Once we got done at the womens expo we went up stairs to use our free tickets at the Healthy Life Expo. They had every health product you could think off and supplements too.

It was a fun day. However it did end with a visit from a state trooper, not good ladies. Gotta watch out for those troppers on 94.

I can’t believe its been three months since that fateful day that brought me to wood winds health campus one early Thursday morning. Changed my life forever. I’ll never be the same again and the word birth control will make me cringe until the day I die. If I had only known the dangers.

Any way live, learn and get even ladies. Thats what I do!

A lot of people ask me what is a Pulmonary Embolisim, Aren’t you a little young for that and how did it happen.

Yes I am very young to be going through this. It doesn’t happen in a lot of young women. at the moment I am the youngest patient at the INR clinic in Woodbury.

The followng is from www.mayoclinic.com my go to site for all things health.

By Mayo Clinic staff

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Pulmonary embolism

Pulmonary embolism is a condition that occurs when one or more arteries in your lungs become blocked. In most cases, pulmonary embolism is caused by blood clots that travel to your lungs from another part of your body — most commonly, your legs.

Pulmonary embolism can occur in otherwise healthy people. Signs and symptoms can vary from person to person, but commonly include sudden and unexplained shortness of breath, chest pain and a cough that may bring up blood-tinged sputum.

Pulmonary embolism can be life-threatening, but prompt treatment with anti-clotting medications can greatly reduce the risk of death. Taking measures to prevent blood clots in your legs also can help protect you against pulmonary embolism.

Symptoms

By Mayo Clinic staff

Pulmonary embolism symptoms can vary greatly, depending on how much of your lung is involved, the size of the clot and your overall health — especially the presence or absence of underlying lung disease or heart disease.

Common signs and symptoms include:

• Shortness of breath. This symptom typically appears suddenly, and occurs whether you’re active or at rest.
• Chest pain. You may feel like you’re having a heart attack. The pain may become worse when you breathe deeply, cough, eat, bend or stoop. The pain will get worse with exertion but won’t go away when you rest.
• Cough. The cough may produce bloody or blood-streaked sputum.

Other signs and symptoms that can occur with pulmonary embolism include:

• Wheezing
• Leg swelling
• Clammy or bluish-colored skin
• Excessive sweating
• Rapid or irregular heartbeat
• Weak pulse
• Lightheadedness or fainting

When to see a doctor
Pulmonary embolism can be life-threatening. Seek immediate medical attention if you experience unexplained shortness of breath, chest pain or a cough that produces bloody sputum.

Complications

By Mayo Clinic staff

Pulmonary embolism can be life-threatening. About one-third of people with undiagnosed and untreated pulmonary embolism don’t survive. When the condition is diagnosed and treated promptly, however, that number drops dramatically.

Pulmonary embolism can also lead to pulmonary hypertension, a condition in which the blood pressure in your lungs is too high. When you have obstructions in the arteries inside your lungs, your heart must work harder to push blood through those vessels. This increases the blood pressure within these vessels and can wear out a section of your heart.

Treatments and drugs

By Mayo Clinic staff

Prompt treatment of pulmonary embolism is essential to prevent serious complications or death.

Medications

• Anticoagulants. Heparin works quickly and is usually delivered with a needle. Warfarin (Coumadin) comes in pill form. Both prevent new clots from forming, but it takes a few days before warfarin begins to work. Risks include bleeding gums and easy bruising.
• Clot dissolvers (thrombolytics). While clots usually dissolve on their own, there are medications that can dissolve clots quickly. Because these clot-busting drugs can cause sudden and severe bleeding, they usually are reserved for life-threatening situations.

Surgical and other procedures

• Clot removal. If you have a very large clot in your lung, your doctor may suggest removing it via a thin flexible tube (catheter) threaded through your blood vessels.
• Vein filter. A catheter can also be used to position a filter in the main vein — called the inferior vena cava — that leads from your legs to the right side of your heart. This filter can block clots from being carried into your lungs. This procedure is typically reserved for people who can’t take anticoagulant drugs or when anticoagulant drugs don’t work well enough.

Prevention

By Mayo Clinic staff

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Compression stockings

Preventing clots in the deep veins in your legs (deep vein thrombosis) will help prevent pulmonary embolism. Some prevention measures are used in hospitals. Others are precautions you can take yourself.

Preventive steps in the hospital

• Heparin or warfarin (Coumadin) therapy. Anticoagulants such as heparin and warfarin are given to people at risk of clots before and after an operation — as well as to people admitted to the hospital with a heart attack, stroke or complications of cancer.
• Graduated compression stockings. Compression stockings steadily squeeze your legs, helping your veins and leg muscles move blood more efficiently. They offer a safe, simple and inexpensive way to keep blood from stagnating after general surgery.
• Use of pneumatic compression. This treatment uses thigh-high or calf-high cuffs that automatically inflate with air every few minutes to massage and squeeze the veins in your legs and improve blood flow.
• Physical activity. Moving as soon as possible after surgery can help prevent pulmonary embolism and hasten recovery overall. This is one of the main reasons your nurse may push you to get up and walk despite pain at the site of your surgical incision.

Preventive steps while traveling
Sitting during a long flight or automobile ride increases your risk of developing blood clots in the veins of your legs. To help prevent a blood clot from forming:

• Take a walk. Move around the airplane cabin once an hour or so. If you’re driving, stop every hour and walk around the car a couple of times. Do a few deep knee bends.
• Exercise while you sit. Flex, extend and rotate your ankles or press your feet against the seat in front of you, or try rising up and down on your toes. And don’t sit with your legs crossed for long periods of time.
• Wear support stockings. These help promote circulation and fluid movement. What’s more, compression stockings no longer look like something your grandmother would wear — they’re available in a range of stylish colors and textures. There are even devices, called stocking butlers, to help you put on the stockings.
• Drink plenty of fluids. Water is the best liquid for preventing dehydration, which can contribute to the development of blood clots. Avoid alcohol, which contributes to fluid loss